No More Room To Drink

(I work night audit at a decent-sized hotel. One night when I come in to work, my manager briefs me on a family staying with us that had a few — perfectly legitimate — problems with their stay. First, one of their third-party reservations did not come through in our system, and we had no record of it existing anywhere. Just to be nice, we comped their night, since we couldn’t charge the third party without proof but didn’t want to possibly double-charge them, but the only room we had available was a specialty suite. The next day, it turns out that our sales team input a contracted reservation incorrectly, and so the specialty suite needs to be made available. Now, we have to move this already upset family out of their upgraded room, though we do comp that night, as well, for the continued issues. However, my manager does warn me that she heard them muttering about “finding some more things wrong” after being given the second comp, suggesting they are looking for more to complain over to get more freebies. Just after my manager leaves, a young man comes up to my desk.)

Me: “Hello!”

Guest: “Hi… Um… So, I’m in this room… and… and my sister forgot her phone…”

(It is immediately apparent that the guest is VERY inebriated.)

Me: “Okay… so…”

Guest: “Yeaaaah… She forgot it… so… I need her room…”

Me: “Erm, well, I can’t just give out room numbers…”

Guest: “It’s under [Last Name]. I’ve got the keys to umm… to [Room #1] and [Room #2]… and I need her room number… ‘cause we got kicked out of [Specialty Suite].”

(I’m immediately groaning internally, because now I know who I’m dealing with, but my manager didn’t give me all of their room numbers because the whole issue should have been resolved.)

Me: “Umm, well, I see two rooms under [Last Name].”

Guest: “Nope! That’s wrong; there are three! But that’s okay; that’s how we get free stuff.”

Me: “Erm… Well, hang on… Is there another name it could be under?”

Guest: “Noooo… It’s [Last Name]. Or [Other Name] Or…”

(The guest proceeds to rattle off a string of names, some of which are surnames and some of which are first names, and some could be either one. I try to type them in as fast as he says them to check for them. Finally, on about the sixth one he offers, I find another reservation, with notes connecting it to his room.)

Me: “Ah! [First Name, Completely Different Last Name]?”

Guest: “Yeaaaahhh… that’s my sisterrrrr…”

Me: “Okay. Now just let me check your ID… okay, she’s in [Room #3].”

Guest: “Okay… okay… so we’re in [Room #1], and [Room #3], but we should have three.”

Me: “Yes, that’s [Room #2], like you said earlier.”

Guest: “Okay… um… yeah… huh… okay…”

(He wanders off… only to return five minutes later.)

Guest: “So, that was, uh… [Two Incorrect Room Numbers].”

Me: “No, no… You said you had keys to [Room #1] and [Room #2], and your sister is in [Room #3]. You have three rooms.”

(Worth noting, the guest is actually holding a key packet with at least one of the room numbers written on it.)

Guest: “Okay… [Incorrect room number].”

Me: “Noooo…” *lists the three numbers again*

Guest: “Okay…” *correctly recites room numbers* “You know, it’s okay. It’s okay. This is how we get free stuff… You just made a mistake, woke up too late or something… It’s okay… We’ll just get more stuff…”

Me: *thinking about how it’s not my mistake that he’s too sloshed to get to his room* “Okay, sir, you all right now?”

Guest: “Yeahhh…”

(He wanders off again… and returns again, this time throwing the keys on my desk.)

Guest: “I got the keys to [string of a mixture of correct and incorrect room numbers] and just… just all the keys and they don’t work!”

(I can see he has a bunch of keys all shoved into one packet. He probably mixed them all up and can’t match them to their correct doors.)

Me: “Okay, sir… Hang on one second…”

(I then very carefully write out a new key packet for each room, writing the numbers very large, make exactly one key for each room, and place them in their respective packets.)

Me: “There… This one is your sister’s room, and these two are the ones with your name on it, okay?”

Guest: “Okay… it’s okay… We’ll just get more free stuff…”

(Finally, he wandered off and stayed away this time. But I did let the morning crew know that, once he slept it off, he was not to be given further discounts for being too drunk to remember or locate his rooms!)