No More “Caddyshack” Before Bed

My boyfriend talks in his sleep. It’s rare and only for a couple of minutes but always funny. Sometimes, I like to argue with him when he’s sleep-talking because it’s funny.

I wake up one night because I hear my boyfriend talking. He’s sitting upright in the bed, staring at the wall.

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “Stupid gopher.”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Boyfriend: “That gopher.” *Points at the wall* “It’s driving the dog crazy and it’s messing up my woodpile. I need to get rid of it.”

It finally clicks. We don’t have a woodpile and there are no gophers anywhere near where we live.

Me: “No, that’s a muskrat.”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s a gopher. He’s an a**hole.”

Me: *Laughing* “I think it’s a beaver.”

Boyfriend: “What? Beavers have a big tail. Look at it.” *Gestures to the “gopher”*

Me: *Holding back laughter* “Okay, babe, you’re right. You can get it in the morning. Come back to sleep.”

Boyfriend: “Okay.” *Lays back down* “He mocks me.”

He went back to sleep after that and had no recollection of it in the morning.