No Meat In Your Diet Or In His Brain

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

(I have a health plan provided by my employer. One of the benefits of the plan is a yearly health check. Once all is complete, I get a call from a “medical professional” to go over the results. I’m pretty healthy except for a bad cholesterol level. After talking on the phone about the rest of the results and my diet preferences, we get to my cholesterol.)

Medical Professional: “Based on the results from the blood sample, we have noticed that you have a very high bad cholesterol level.” *explains the difference between good and bad cholesterol* “…so we really do need to try and bring your bad cholesterol down. We can do this through medication and by controlling your diet. I would start with reducing the amount of red meat and dairy you consume.

Me: “I’m vegetarian, so I don’t eat meat, and I have an allergy to dairy.”

Medical Professional: “That’s good, very good. That’s a good start to reduce your meat intake, and the dairy, like cheese.”

Me: “Well, I’m vegetarian, so my meat intake is zero; I’ve been vegetarian for around twenty years. I’m also lactose intolerant and have an allergy which means I haven’t eaten cheese, milk, or any other dairy, like cream, in about ten years.”

Medical Professional: “Great, so that’s great. It’s settled; you will reduce your red meat and dairy.”

Me: “I haven’t eaten meat in twenty years, and I’ve been allergic to dairy for over ten years.”

Medical Professional: “So, you’ll reduce your meat and dairy? With your cholesterol being so high, I really do think you should consider some diet changes and reduce the intake of meat and dairy.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Could you please help me to understand how to reduce meat and dairy when I haven’t eaten any meat in over twenty years and I haven’t eaten dairy in over ten?”

(After about two or three minutes of being on hold:)

Medical Professional: “I think you should arrange an appointment with your doctor to go over these results, as you aren’t listening my advice.”

(Two weeks later in the doctor’s office:)

Doctor: “You should reduce your intake of meat and dairy.”

Me: “I’m vegetarian; I haven’t eaten meat in twenty years and I have a dairy allergy.”

Doctor: “Well, in that case, let’s go through what other options are available for you.”

Me: “Perfect… Let’s do that.”