No Matter What You Try It’s All Downhill

(For security reasons, the bathrooms at my workplace are locked. Employees have their own keys, but visitors have to get keys at reception. There are signs stating this everywhere. While leaving work one day, I notice a man standing in front of a bathroom, rattling the doorknob, and staring at the sign. I’m not actually supposed to help visitors as I’m still in training, but I’m the only one there and I figure it won’t be that difficult.)

Me: “Hi, excuse me? You’ll have to get the key from reception. It’s just up those stairs.”

(The man moves away from the door and towards the staircase leading down.)

Me: *thinking I misspoke* “Oh, sorry. It’s upstairs.”

(The man steps towards the staircase leading down again.)

Me: “Uh, no, it’s upstairs. This way, follow me.” 

(I start walking upstairs. The man moves in the opposite direction.)

Me: *gesticulating wildly* “UP-stairs!”

(No change.)

Me: *giving up* “All right. Go downstairs and follow the corridor. You’ll find a staircase to your right. It’ll lead you to reception.”

(Fortunately for the guy, the staircase I directed him to only goes up. I just hope he didn’t end up in the basement somehow.)