No Kidding

(I am nineteen, and volunteering at an elementary school.)

Student: “Do you have kids?”

Me: “No, I don’t have kids.”

Student: “Then do you have a baby?”

Me: *unsure of the distinction* “Nope. No babies and no kids.”

Student: “Do you have a boyfriend?”

(I’m a lesbian, but this kid is very young and slightly impaired, so I decide not to complicate the conversation.)

Me: “No, no boyfriend.”

Student: “So, you don’t have a baby or a boyfriend?!”

Me: “No.”

Student: “Then you’re just a kid!”