No God In This House

(Mum has just returned home and my grandmother is in a panic.)

Mum: “What’s wrong?”

Grandmother: “A strange man came to the door. I wouldn’t unlock the security door, so he left a card on the mat. I went out after he left to get it. He was from the church.”

Mum:  *reading card* “Oh, it was the new minister from the church.”

Grandmother: *horrified* “Oh, I should have let him in. What is he going to think of me? How could I have treated a minister so badly? I should have known!”

(She flaps around in a panic, as to her ministers are one step down from God.)

Mum: “Was he wearing his robes?”

Grandmother: “No, he wore normal clothes.”

Mum: “So, how would you have known he was a minister?”

Grandmother:  “Well, I could have read the card.”

Mum: “A church business card that he had hand written his name on?”

Grandmother:  “But he was a minister!”

Mum:  “I don’t care. I don’t want you letting strange men in the house when you are alone, especially those with handwritten business cards. Anyone can write their name on a business card.”

Grandmother:  “But…”

Mum: “No buts.”

(Later, we receive a phone call.)

Minister: “Oh, hi. I think I may have scared your mother today. Is she all right?”