No Disorientation On The Orientation

(I’ve just been accepted into a university overseas that my parents didn’t know I have applied to. I am trying to tell my parents that I’ve decided to go, while they and my brother are sat in the living room.)

Me: “Mum, dad, I’ve got something to tell you.”

(My dad sighs, reaches into his pocket, and hands my mum a £10 note.)

Mum: “Oh honey, you don’t need to tell us; we’ve known you were gay for years.”

Me: “What?! I’m not gay! You’ve met my girlfriend!”

(Dad turns to mum, triumphantly.)

Dad: “YES! IN YOUR FACE!”

(My mum hands the note back and starts reaching into her pocket.)

Me: “I’m bi, but that’s not the poi—”

Brother: “A HA! CALLED IT!”

(Both my parents start disappointedly handing my brother the notes.)

Me: “I’M GOING TO UNI IN GERMANY!”

Dad: “Pfft. Boring. Next time tell us news we’re actually betting on.”