No Bad Energy In This Bakery

I arrive at work and start talking with my coworkers about what we’re going to be doing today. I’m with my assistant manager and our freezer worker, who suddenly trails off looking past us and we turn around to see this woman at the bread wall. She is holding a smoking smudge stick — a bundle of burnt sage — and she’s waving it around the bread. We all stare at this woman and then we look back to the assistant manager, and we all know that we’re silently saying, “Who’s going to deal with this woman?”

Since I just arrived, I agree that I’ll go and try to take care of this. They stay nearby to make sure they have my back if anything goes wrong.

Me: “Ma’am, ma’am—” *trying not to get a face full of sage* “—can I ask what you’re doing, please?

Woman: “I’m blessing the bread.”

Once this woman looks at me, I can tell she’s very high; her eyes are dilated, and they honestly couldn’t be redder if she was bleeding from them.

Me: “Ma’am, you don’t need to do that.”

Woman: “But why?”

I know she’s in a gullible state and will believe almost anything I say, or at least, I’m hoping she’s that high.

Me: “Because I’ve already done that, ma’am.”

I take the smudge stick as she’s holding it out and she lets me take it.

Me: “My grandmother is Native American, and she’s taught me the prayer for bread and wheat, so every time I’m in, I bless the bread.”

For a minute, I don’t think this is going to work, but I have the smudge stick, so we’re halfway there. She looks at me suddenly and nods.

Woman: “Oh, well, that’s probably even better than what I was doing.”

She smiled, grabbed a loaf of bread, and headed to the cash register. I went back to the baking area and doused and threw away the smudge stick. My manager was on the floor laughing so hard no sound was coming out. My coworker was facing the wall, but I could see his body shaking as he tried to keep in his laughter.