No Bad Beef On His Watch!

Another story about Peter, the much-loved, special employee at the Swiss police

We are drinking coffee. Enter, Peter:

Peter: “Aunt Amanda does not like that I boil beef.”

So, no context. To add to the confusion, we know little about Peter’s private life, and he seems amused. [Coworker #1] is browsing social media on his phone.

Me: “Okay?”

Peter: “I tell you how she is silly. [Coworker #1], stop Facebook.”

He has a story to tell. Put simply, he bought a large piece of meat at a cheap price, then a tabletop device to slice it with. He is trying to reduce unprocessed food, so when he saw 2kg of beef at a very reduced cost, it made sense to buy it. The electric knife (from the Goodwill) has a rotating blade, and you use a safety guard to push the meat into the blade.

Then he sought advice from Aunt Amanda on how to use it. He showed us their WhatsApp conversation, which goes a little like this.

Peter: “I have 2kg [brand] beef. I need to slice. I have electric knife. To slice, fresh or frozen?

Aunt Amanda: “Oh! From [organic farm] up in Bavaria! Slice it fresh. Beautiful meat, that is. You can pan fry it, virgin olive oil. Rub some on the pan. It goes lovely with paprika. And turmeric. I have some spices you can try!

Peter: “Thank you. I slice fresh. But no fry I boil.”

Aunt Amanda: “Boil beef? Not for [premium brand]. If you fry it in the pan, the flavours dance on your tongue! I like it with [regional Swiss cheese] and chianti wine!”

Peter: “You answer question already. Thank you. I boil beef.”

Aunt Amanda: “But… why?

Peter: “Boil is easy. I lazy. Thank you.”

Aunt Amanda: “I have some lovely spices you can try!”

Aunt Amanda: “Hello?”

Peter carefully set up his meat equipment, with a safety guard, and started cutting the beef into slices. Then, he started over and cut the slices into strips. He threw it all into a big pot with water, on the stove.

Aunt Amanda: “[College in small town] do a course in country cooking!”

Peter: *sends picture of the beef boiling in a pot*

Aunt Amanda: “No, Peter, this is not how you cook nice Bavarian steaks.”

Peter: “I do it already. I ask how to slice, not how to cook.”

Let’s go back to the coffee table. Peter gets out a Ziploc bag.

Peter: “[Coworker #1], this for your puppy.”

Coworker #1: “What is it?”

Peter: “Biltong.”

Coworker #1: “What?”

Peter: “Dried meat treat, from South African. Well, no. Bavarian.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, thank you.”

Me: “Peter, what did you do? Did you make beef jerky from some of the beef?”

Peter: “All of.”

That’s right. Peter not only incensed his Aunt Amanda by boiling the beef, but he also dehydrated it, like beef jerky or biltong. He then set some aside for [Coworker #1’s] dachshund.

Me: “That’s kind, Peter. Two questions: why do you boil it if it tastes better fried?”

Peter: “Boil it, one hour later, finished, one pot scrub. I lazy.”

Me: “Okay. That makes sense. Why did you make all of it into beef jerky?”

Peter: “Travel. Camping. Stays fresh. Unprocessed food. Works for me.”

“Works for me.” That reminded me a bit about respecting boundaries and “advice.” When you offer advice to someone, have they asked for it? Does what they do affect you? It was his beef all along.

Related:

Avoca-Do The Right Thing
No Dry Officers On His Watch!
No Bobs Left Behind On His Watch!
No Lapses In Security On His Watch!
No Neglected Post On His Watch!
No Accident K’Boom Explode On His Watch!