Nipple Size Matters

(I have been a handyman for many decades. I go to one home improvement store — now out of business — to get a short piece of pipe for a job I am working on. I find the item, but it does not have a SKU tag on it. I take it to the checkstand where a young lady is waiting to check me out.)

Cashier: *looks at the pipe* “What’s this?”

Me: “That is a 1⁄2-inch-by-4-inch galvanized nipple.” *short pieces of pipe are called nipples*

Cashier: *indignant!* “Don’t talk dirty to me! And that is not ½-inch!” *takes out a tape measure* “It’s 3/4!”

Me: “Pipes are measured by the inside diameter, not the outside diameter; it is 1⁄2-inch.”

Cashier: *glares at me, rings it up as 3/4 X 4″ black pipe*

(I just paid and left; for the few cents difference, I wasn’t going to argue with her.)