Next Time, Print Them A Clue

(I am waiting for something to be printed off. There are two women talking in front of the printer, so I assume they’re waiting, like me. After a few seconds, though, I realise they’re just gossiping. My report hasn’t printed yet, so I continue to wait.)

Coworker #1: “Excuse me. Do you mind not being so nosey?!”

Me: “I’m not even paying attention.”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, right. Why don’t you go bother someone who’s actually interested?”

Me: “This is the closest printer.”

(They both look at each other, confused, completely oblivious to the printer behind them.)

Coworker #2: “Whatever chat-up line that was meant to be, it didn’t work. Also, I’m married.” *shows ring*

Me: “So am I. I’m waiting for the printer.”

Coworker #2: *shouts* “Oh, so we have an adulterer in the office!”

(This gets the attention of everyone around us, and both women start ranting at me for being a misogynist. My report finally finishes printing.)

Me: *interrupting* “Sorry, but I’m already late for a meeting.”

(I reach my arm forward and both women lean away from me in disgust. I grab my report and turn.)

Coworker #1: “HOW DARE YOU TRY—”

Coworker #2: “Oh, [Coworker #1], we’re in front of the printer!”

(I heard a lot of laughter as I left for the lift. No one tends to hang around the printer anymore, thankfully.)