Next Time, Just Smile And Nod

Customer #1: “We would like to exchange these items.”

(They hand over an unopened video game controller and sealed games.)

Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

Customer #1: “No, we just want to do an exchange!”

Me: “I am unable to do a return without a receipt verifying you purchased your items at this store.”

Customer #2: “We don’t want to do a return; we want to do an exchange!”

(Our store also buys used video games and accessories so I think maybe that is what they’re trying to do)

Me: “Without a receipt, the only thing I can do is buy these from you, but you won’t get the full retail price. Is that what you’re trying to do?”

Customer #1: “NO! I want to do an exchange!”

Me: “Then I’ll need a receipt.”

(The customer sits there for a minute and finally produces a receipt.)

Me: “Thank you. I’m going to return these items and when you find what you want in the store, just bring it up to the counter.”

Customer #2: “WE CAN’T DO A RETURN, IT HAS TO BE AN EXCHANGE! IT CAN’T GO BACK ON THE CREDIT CARD!”

Me: “Just go and pick out the items you want and if there is money left over we’ll give you a store credit.”

Customer #2: “BUT IT CAN’T GO ON THE CREDIT CARD! YOU CAN’T RETURN THE ITEMS!”

Me: “We have to return them to keep our inventory up to date.”

Customer #1: “WE JUST SAID WE CAN’T RETURN THEM! WE NEED TO EXCHANGE THEM!”

Me: “I’m trying to explain to you that it is a corporate policy to return items, not exchange them, but that does not mean the money goes on your credit card. We can give you store credit.”

Customer #1: “So you guys are somehow different from every other store on the planet? Every other store does exchanges but not you.”

Customer #2: “IT CAN’T GO ON THE CREDIT CARD.”

Me: “Listen, you are over-thinking this–”

Customer #1: *cutting me off* “MAYBE YOU ARE UNDER-THINKING THIS! I TOLD YOU I WANT TO DO AN EXCHANGE. I’M GOING TO THE STORE I BOUGHT THIS FROM! THEY’LL DO AN EXCHANGE!”

Me: “You can take these items to any [Store] you want. We all have the same policy.”

Customer #2: “NO, YOU’RE JUST STUPID!”

(They left the store, Half an hour later, I got a call from the store down the street laughing and thanking me for sending over such *lovely* customers.)