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That Was Awfully Cheeky

, , , , , , , | Working | July 30, 2021

I pick up the phone to call a client and hit myself on the cheekbone.

Me: “I just hit myself in the face with the phone.”

Coworker: “That’s what you get for pushing its buttons!”

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The Gift That Keeps On Building

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2021

I take my daughter to one of the shops where you stuff a bear and buy clothes for it. We are looking at the options when a man pushes past us, luckily missing my daughter. I ignore him and continue helping her pick the empty bear. We stand in line and wait for the stuffing machine when I notice something odd. The man from earlier is stood in the line without a child.

The line moves along slowly. The woman on the stuffing machine eyes the man carefully and goes into her routine about the special hearts, etc., and asks if he wants to help push the button, as she would with the children.

He declines and awkwardly stands there as she goes onto her spiel about the “birth certificate.” This whole process takes a while and the man gets more agitated as it happens.

Store Associate: “Would you like to make a wish?”

Man: “Look. It’s a gift, okay? I just want this done.”

Store Associate: “Not a problem. Your bear is all done. In future, you can pick from any one of the premade bears if you like.”

Right next to the empty ones were premade bears of every type. Perhaps if he wasn’t in such a rush he would have noticed them!

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This Is Literally Rule Number One Of The Internet

, , , , | Working | July 30, 2021

I work in IT for a retail company. I’ve been recently helping support some of our backend retail systems, so I’ve been doing more tickets and queue work than being on the phones.

One thing that we stress through the company is to NEVER SHARE YOUR PASSWORD. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop people from doing it, and when we find out about it, there’s paperwork and resetting and frustration because users don’t understand why security is reaching out to lecture them.

I get a ticket for an issue with a system; it’s actually a known break that is actively being worked on.

User: “I can’t sign into [System]. It keeps telling me my credentials are incorrect even though I know they’re correct. My username is [Username] and here’s my password: [password].”

I actually stare at the ticket for a minute, trying to see if I am reading what I think I am reading. Then, I burst out laughing in our team meeting. I have to explain what has me laughing, which gets everyone else going.

Coworker #1: “Oh, come on. You’ll need to create a second ticket without the password and then send a request to security to get the initial incident removed from the system. Then let the user know they’ll need to reset their password. If they say no or don’t respond, just go expire it.”

I send a message to the user through our chat system.

Me: “Hi! I wanted to reach out regarding your incident [incident]. You included your password in the incident, which is a security violation. You’ll need to reset your password immediately.”

User: “Hi, [My Name]. I included it because I wanted to know if there was a reason why I am having so much trouble getting into [System]. But noted!”

Me: “Please don’t share your password with anyone or in incidents; for security reasons this is not allowed. There is an issue with [System] currently that this is related to. A new incident was created for your initial report as the security team will need to delete the original one. You will still need to change your password.”

User: “Okay, thanks!”

The number of people who willingly want to share their passwords scares me, honestly. I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve been tempted to use their password to do something (non-malicious and reversible) just to prove the point of why we don’t share passwords.

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When Will These Liars Learn?!

, , , , , , | Right | July 30, 2021

A customer has been arguing with me about an expired coupon for the past five minutes. He swears that he called just days ago and was told that he would still be able to use the coupon, but unsurprisingly, he is unable to remember what day he called, the name of the person he spoke with, or even if they sounded male or female. The coupon is over six weeks expired, so there’s no chance that I or any of my coworkers would have told him that we would still accept it. Finally, the customer plays what he obviously thinks will be his trump card.

Customer: “I know the owner of this store! I will call him right now and tell him how horribly you have treated me, and by tomorrow, you’ll be looking for a new job!”

Me: “Is that so? Have you known him for a long time?”

Customer: “I have! We went to high school together. I went to the prom with his sister!”

I turn to the owner who, unbeknownst to the customer, has been doing paperwork at the other end of the counter this entire time.

Me: “[Owner], you never told me that you have a sister. Or that you were transgender!”

Owner: “I didn’t? I guess it never came up.”

The customer stares at her for a moment, his face turning several shades of red. As he leaves in a hurry, we can’t keep from laughing any longer.

Owner: “I’m sorry about that. I should have spoken up sooner, but you seemed like you had the situation under control.”

Me: “I’m glad you didn’t. The look on his face was so worth it.”

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Counting Your Interviewees Before They Hatch

, , , , | Working | July 30, 2021

I accept an invite to a job interview. I have several lined up over a few weeks and don’t get a chance to do the normal background checks I normally do, so I go in a little blind. Halfway through the interview, I realise that the job doesn’t match the description at all. I stick out the rest of the interview to decide if it is something that I could make work.

After a night’s sleep, I realise that, no, it isn’t something I am interested in, and I will let the recruiter know when I speak to them next.

It isn’t long until I get a call from the recruiter.

Recruiter: “Hey, how did it go?”

Me: “Well, the manager seemed nice and the company looks solid. But the job isn’t for me.”

Recruiter: “What? Why? We spoke the other day and the job role was perfect for you.”

Me: “It is, but that’s not what they are looking for. In fact, it was like I was interviewing for a completely different job.”

Recruiter: “No, that can’t be right. I spoke to [Manager] and clarified everything.”

I’m thinking, “Okay, I’m not lying; I was the one in the interview.”

Me: “What can I tell you?! He was talking about legal and claims. I’ve never worked on anything to do with that stuff.”

Recruiter: “Well, there might be some of that, sure, but you could pick that up quickly.”

Me: “I’m not interested.”

Recruiter: “But I’ve already told them you would take the offer!”

Me: “Why did you do that?”

Recruiter: “They loved you and offered you the advertised rate.”

Me: “As I said, the job didn’t match the description at all. So, no, I won’t be interested.”

Recruiter: “Fine!” *Hangs up*

Not only did the recruiter waste my time, but I would bet money that he blamed me for turning down the job!

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