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Insert A Pun Here About Us Having Reservations

, , , | Right | CREDIT: mstarrbrannigan | October 21, 2021

I had a woman come to the desk to check in. I took her ID and card and checked her against the Do Not Rent list before proceeding. And there she was: about a month before, she was added to the list because we received a number of noise complaints about her room and she was throwing cigarette butts on a guest’s car.

I returned her ID and her card to her.

Me: “I’m afraid we will not be honoring your reservation because you are on our Do Not Rent list.”

Woman: “Why?”

Me: *Lying* “I don’t know why; it’s just a list of names.”

I do this because one, I was not the one who dealt with the situation and knew very few details, and two, I rarely give people the reason because I don’t have to and chances are they’re just going to argue against it anyway. This way, it’s harder for them to say they didn’t do what they did.

She didn’t like that answer.

Woman: “Call a manager!”

I declined, which she also didn’t like. We went back and forth; she kept insisting I had to tell her why she was on the DNR list, and I kept pointing out that I didn’t.

Woman: “This is discrimination!”

I assume she said this because she was Hispanic, as well as trans.

Me: “No, that would be illegal.”

I don’t discriminate against folks anyway, but it wasn’t the time or place to have that conversation.

After a few minutes, she refused to leave, and I had another guest to check in.

Woman: “I have every right to stay at this hotel! I’m not going anywhere unless I’m trespassed.”

I shrugged, said, “Okay,” and picked up the phone to call the police. She got mad that I was calling the police and stormed off, screaming at me.

About twenty minutes later, a man came up to the desk.

Man: “I want to apologize for my friend’s behavior. She’s going to stay somewhere else, but I’d still like to stay here.”

Me: “No. Because you’re with someone on the Do Not Rent list, we won’t rent to you, either.”

He didn’t argue; he just left. The irony was that I hadn’t seen him with her because of where he parked. If he’d said nothing, I wouldn’t have known they were together.

The next day, a man came up to the window to check in. He was wearing a mask. Because we had been using a night window to check people in, not everyone had been wearing a mask. I wasn’t positive, but I had an inkling he might be the guy from the previous day. I took his ID and credit card anyway and checked his name against the DNR list. And guess who was there?

I returned his ID and his card to him and told him he was on the list, and he hung his head and sulked off. Afterward, I checked the cameras and played CSI, using his tattoos to confirm it was the same guy as yesterday.

Nice try with the mask. Too bad he was already stupid here once before.

Give Your Husbands A Foundation Course First

, , , , , | Right | October 21, 2021

I am paged to come help a customer who has a question in the beauty department. Walking up, I’m already annoyed as it is an older gentleman, which usually means that his wife has sent him to pick something up without giving him any information. 

Me: “Did you need help with something?”

Customer: “My wife sent me to get this sunscreen, but I can’t find it with the others.”

I look at the bottle and see it’s a foundation that has an SPF.

Me: “This is a foundation. Do you know what shade she needs?”

Customer: “No, it’s sunscreen. See, it says so right on the bottle.”

Me: “Can I look at the bottle?”

He keeps going on about how it’s sunscreen while I look to see if a shade is listed. Thankfully, I find it and lead him over to where the makeup is. I see we are out of the shade he needs.

Me: “It looks like we are currently out of that shade. Do you want to call your wife and see if another shade will work?”

Customer: “I mean, this is SPF 30. Are there other SPFs in this brand?”

Me: “Sir, please listen. This is a foundation. It’s makeup with an SPF but it is not solely sunscreen. The shade your wife wants is gone. You are going to have to call her and see if another shade will work or you will have to go to another store.”

He still could not comprehend and ended up leaving. Women, please stop sending your clueless partners to shop for makeup for you. It never works out.

How To Lose A Commission In Just A Few Simple Steps

, , , , | Working | October 21, 2021

My fiancé and I are shopping for a new mattress. We are in our early twenties, which I do believe plays a role in what happens. The store is not currently busy and there is a group of salesmen talking with each other. The manager greets us and asks what we’re looking for. He calls over one of the salesmen to help us, but the salesman doesn’t look very happy that he was asked to help us. He doesn’t ask any questions and takes us over into an area with mattresses in a very high price range.

Salesman: “We have some mattresses over here. You can take a look and find me if you have any questions.”

Fiancé: “I’m sure these are great, but they are out of our budget. We’re looking at around $300 to $500. Would you mind showing us some of those, please?”

He looks annoyed and points to a different area of the store.

Salesman: “You can find our budget mattresses over there.”

He walks away and starts talking with his coworkers again. We look around for a bit, but we are put off by his attitude so we decide to leave.

Salesman: *Smugly* “Leaving so soon?”

Me: “Yes, we were planning on making a purchase today, but we’re going to [Competitor] and will be purchasing from them, instead.”

His boss did not look pleased. We went to [Competitor] and they were nothing but nice, and they didn’t treat us differently for not being able to afford a high-priced mattress. I get that they make commissions on sales, but any sale is better than no sale.

Deleted The Internet!

, , , | Right | October 21, 2021

A patron comes in to pick up a book he requested, and while I’m checking it out to him, he asks if I can help him with a computer question.

Patron: “My wife asked me to log out of our online accounts, but I deleted the Internet instead! Now when I close my email, the whole thing goes away.”

Me: “That sounds frustrating! Can you describe to me how you usually log in to your email, and I’ll see if I can figure out the issue?”

Patron: “What’s the second half of Google? Well, I always just type in ‘Yahoo’ and it comes right up, but I can’t even find the picture anymore.”

Me: *Racking my brain* “The second half of Google… Google search engine? Yahoo mail…”

Patron: “Luckily, my wife has a backup option. Now instead of the circle, she clicks on the one with the E, but I want the old one back.”

Me: “Oh! You use Google Chrome! Can you tell me, was the circle logo down here on the bottom of your screen—” *shows him the taskbar on my own computer* “—and now it isn’t there anymore?”

Patron: “Yes! I deleted it! How do I get it back?”

I wrote out the steps for pinning an app to the taskbar and demonstrated it a couple of times for him. He left, confident that he could emulate the steps on his own computer, and I considered the interaction a riddle well solved!

This Realtor Has Lost Touchy With Real(i)ty

, , , , | Working | October 21, 2021

I bought a new house two years ago, before the health crisis, and it’s a beautiful old house. But this year, I began receiving calls from a number I didn’t recognize. Finally, I answered one.

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, my name is [Caller], and I’m a realtor. Are you interested in selling your house?”

Me: “No.”

I hung up and thought that was the end of it, until I got a call back.

Caller: “Sir, that is very rude. Now, are you interested in selling or not?!”

Me: “I’m not the one being rude here. I already told you, no. I’m not selling.”

I hung up again. Guess who called back?

Caller: “Your house would be perfect for this couple who are moving to the area from Kansas CIty! Now, please sell me your house?”

Me: “What is your firm?”

Caller: “…I’m sorry?”

Me: “This is harassment. I already told you no twice, and you keep calling me back. I’m not going to sell my house.”

Caller: “But I already told them about your house!”

Me: “Tell them the truth. I’m not selling.”

I thought that was the end of it. Then, I arrived home from work one day and saw two unfamiliar cars in my driveway. A couple and a woman were trying to force their way into my house.

I stepped out and called out to them, and the woman saw me and went stark white.

Me: “I already told you I’m not selling! Now buzz off!”

The woman ran to her car and drove off in seconds, while the couple just stood there, confused. I suggested that they find a new realtor and get off my property.

They did leave, but not before telling me the realtor’s name and firm. I called them right after, and the woman on the other end knew who I was talking about. The fact that she did said a lot. I told her I would be filing police charges, and she said that was my choice. I did end up filing charges for trespassing, harassment, attempted breaking and entering, and fraud. My police officer friend took over my case and the woman was fired from her job. She’s due in court for the trespassing and harassment charges.