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This Is Literally Rule Number One Of The Internet

, , , , | Working | July 30, 2021

I work in IT for a retail company. I’ve been recently helping support some of our backend retail systems, so I’ve been doing more tickets and queue work than being on the phones.

One thing that we stress through the company is to NEVER SHARE YOUR PASSWORD. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop people from doing it, and when we find out about it, there’s paperwork and resetting and frustration because users don’t understand why security is reaching out to lecture them.

I get a ticket for an issue with a system; it’s actually a known break that is actively being worked on.

User: “I can’t sign into [System]. It keeps telling me my credentials are incorrect even though I know they’re correct. My username is [Username] and here’s my password: [password].”

I actually stare at the ticket for a minute, trying to see if I am reading what I think I am reading. Then, I burst out laughing in our team meeting. I have to explain what has me laughing, which gets everyone else going.

Coworker #1: “Oh, come on. You’ll need to create a second ticket without the password and then send a request to security to get the initial incident removed from the system. Then let the user know they’ll need to reset their password. If they say no or don’t respond, just go expire it.”

I send a message to the user through our chat system.

Me: “Hi! I wanted to reach out regarding your incident [incident]. You included your password in the incident, which is a security violation. You’ll need to reset your password immediately.”

User: “Hi, [My Name]. I included it because I wanted to know if there was a reason why I am having so much trouble getting into [System]. But noted!”

Me: “Please don’t share your password with anyone or in incidents; for security reasons this is not allowed. There is an issue with [System] currently that this is related to. A new incident was created for your initial report as the security team will need to delete the original one. You will still need to change your password.”

User: “Okay, thanks!”

The number of people who willingly want to share their passwords scares me, honestly. I’ve had a couple of times where I’ve been tempted to use their password to do something (non-malicious and reversible) just to prove the point of why we don’t share passwords.

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When Will These Liars Learn?!

, , , , , , | Right | July 30, 2021

A customer has been arguing with me about an expired coupon for the past five minutes. He swears that he called just days ago and was told that he would still be able to use the coupon, but unsurprisingly, he is unable to remember what day he called, the name of the person he spoke with, or even if they sounded male or female. The coupon is over six weeks expired, so there’s no chance that I or any of my coworkers would have told him that we would still accept it. Finally, the customer plays what he obviously thinks will be his trump card.

Customer: “I know the owner of this store! I will call him right now and tell him how horribly you have treated me, and by tomorrow, you’ll be looking for a new job!”

Me: “Is that so? Have you known him for a long time?”

Customer: “I have! We went to high school together. I went to the prom with his sister!”

I turn to the owner who, unbeknownst to the customer, has been doing paperwork at the other end of the counter this entire time.

Me: “[Owner], you never told me that you have a sister. Or that you were transgender!”

Owner: “I didn’t? I guess it never came up.”

The customer stares at her for a moment, his face turning several shades of red. As he leaves in a hurry, we can’t keep from laughing any longer.

Owner: “I’m sorry about that. I should have spoken up sooner, but you seemed like you had the situation under control.”

Me: “I’m glad you didn’t. The look on his face was so worth it.”

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Counting Your Interviewees Before They Hatch

, , , , | Working | July 30, 2021

I accept an invite to a job interview. I have several lined up over a few weeks and don’t get a chance to do the normal background checks I normally do, so I go in a little blind. Halfway through the interview, I realise that the job doesn’t match the description at all. I stick out the rest of the interview to decide if it is something that I could make work.

After a night’s sleep, I realise that, no, it isn’t something I am interested in, and I will let the recruiter know when I speak to them next.

It isn’t long until I get a call from the recruiter.

Recruiter: “Hey, how did it go?”

Me: “Well, the manager seemed nice and the company looks solid. But the job isn’t for me.”

Recruiter: “What? Why? We spoke the other day and the job role was perfect for you.”

Me: “It is, but that’s not what they are looking for. In fact, it was like I was interviewing for a completely different job.”

Recruiter: “No, that can’t be right. I spoke to [Manager] and clarified everything.”

I’m thinking, “Okay, I’m not lying; I was the one in the interview.”

Me: “What can I tell you?! He was talking about legal and claims. I’ve never worked on anything to do with that stuff.”

Recruiter: “Well, there might be some of that, sure, but you could pick that up quickly.”

Me: “I’m not interested.”

Recruiter: “But I’ve already told them you would take the offer!”

Me: “Why did you do that?”

Recruiter: “They loved you and offered you the advertised rate.”

Me: “As I said, the job didn’t match the description at all. So, no, I won’t be interested.”

Recruiter: “Fine!” *Hangs up*

Not only did the recruiter waste my time, but I would bet money that he blamed me for turning down the job!

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Their Brain Has A Locker-Blocker

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2021

The gym I work at has a “day-use only” policy on the lockers, because we have many more members than lockers, so no one has their own personal locker. If we see a lock has been on a locker for more than twenty-four hours, we assume it’s been abandoned, cut the lock off, and put the belongings in our lost and found.

Older Lady: “Hello, I’m calling about my locker. I left my things in there and was told I had until yesterday to clear it out, but I’ve been quarantined and can’t come get my things. Can I just leave the things in my locker and come get them when I’m out of quarantine in two weeks?”

I assume she means she accidentally left her things in a locker last time she was here.

Me: “Well, ma’am, the nice thing about [Gym] is that, even though we don’t have personal lockers, we will keep your things in the lost and found for you to come get when you’re able.

Older Lady: “But will you cut my lock off? It’s my locker, so I was told my things would be safe until I could come get them.”

Me: “We actually don’t have personal lockers. We have day lockers, which means you have to take your things with you when you leave each day.”

Older Lady: “But I left my things in my locker; they should still be there!”

Me: “Ma’am, nobody has their own locker. Were you by chance intending to call [Another Gym with a similar name]?”

Older Lady: “I was told my things would be safe in my locker. Please don’t cut my lock off.”

Me: *Gives up* “What was the locker number?”

Older Lady: “I don’t remember.”

Me: *Face-desk* “Well, I’ll keep my eyes out, and if I see your things, I’ll put them in the lost and found, okay?”

Older Lady: “Oh, thank you. I appreciate it!”

Me: “My pleasure, ma’am.”

I made note of her name and number and immediately went into the locker room to take note of the lockers that had a lock on them. By the end of the day, they were all empty, so my guess is she called the wrong gym. Otherwise, how could anyone have such a hard time understanding the day-use-only policy? I couldn’t have explained it more clearly!

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Some People’s “Help” Is No Help At All

, , , , | Working | July 30, 2021

[Coworker] should have retired years ago, but somehow he convinced the senior management to let him stay on a few days a week to “help out when needed.” Instead, he pokes his nose into things and picks faults, even things that have nothing to do with him or he knows nothing about. When he gets called out, he claims he was only trying to help and offer opinion.

Luckily, he leaves me alone as I’m mainly working on an IT project that he has no ability to even access. Then, he badgers my boss to give him access to check something or another and I set him up with limited access. I am reluctant to do so.

One day, I’m pulled into my boss’s boss’s office. My boss and [Coworker] are there.

Boss: “We have some concerns with your project.”

Me: “Okay.”

Boss: “You said to me last time that 90% of the work had been done, but all of the files are gibberish.”

Coworker: “I’ve checked it myself; you claim it’s working but clearly you messed something up.”

Boss’s Boss: “I don’t pretend to understand all this, but is it true that there is a problem?”

Coworker: “All this money spent on computerising stuff and it’s worse than paper. What a waste!”

Boss: “Okay, calm down, [Coworker].”

Me: “This is lorem ipsum; it’s a placeholder text. It’s an industry standard used to give you an idea of what it will look like.”

Boss: “So, the documents are where?”

Me: “Where they have always been. It would be pretty stupid to load live documents into a test environment.”

Boss: “In English, please, mate.”

I demonstrated that the documents were, in fact, fine and how quickly the document could get transferred over when finished. [Coworker] sneaked out during this, so I took the opportunity to complain in detail about how he had been doing this to every project and slowing things down, making up issues and pretending to have solved them. He was moved onto one project at a time and not allowed to give any feedback without the project’s owner being involved.

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