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Me: “It sounds like the fireworks are just starting. I can hear them.”
Boy: “Good, that means we can go on the big ride next door! All the dumb people will watch the fireworks when they could be riding the—”
Boy’s Mother: *chiding her son* “Now, now, they’re not ‘dumb people.’ They’re ‘suckers.'”
This story is part of the American Independence Day 2021 roundup!
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(I wait tables at a sushi place. I’m currently serving two male customers.)
Customer #1: *to customer #2* “Look at her eyes. Just look at them!”
Customer #2: *to me* “Can I get a lunch combo?”
Me: “Of course.”
Customer #1: *to customer #2* “Did you not f***ing hear me? Look at her eyes!”
Customer #2: *to customer #1* “I did. They’re beautiful!”
Customer #1: *to me* “Can I have a lunch combo? Also, I love you!”
(I’m a customer at the checkout stand of a grocery store. I overhear the following conversation between a manager and an employee.)
Manager: “We’re giving you a raise, from $7.25 to $8.25.”
Employee: “Since when is what I do suddenly worth a dollar an hour more?!”
Manager: “Since you’ve been here three years, you’ve never taken a sick day, never taken a vacation, and never been late. Heck, you haven’t even taken a holiday off!”
Employee: “Your point? That’s expected of me. Required of me. I don’t know why that’s worth that much more.”
Manager: “So… you don’t want the money. I don’t understand.”
Employee: “No. I don’t think it’s right. I’ve been doing the same thing, 40 hours a week, every week.”
Manager: “What about a promotion? Assistant Manager?”
Employee: “Why? I’m perfectly happy here where I am at.”
(The manager stands there, completely shocked and in total disbelief.)
Employee: “Seriously…” *randomly points at another employee* “…I’d give it to him. ”
Manager: “Alright.”
(The manager calls the other employee in, gives him the promotion and the raise. The other employee hasn’t been there eight months, but of course, promptly accepts and is dismissed by the manager.)
Employee: “May I get back to sweeping now?”
Manager: “Yeah. Sure, whatever…”
(A latte is steamed milk with espresso. Without espresso, it’s just a cup of milk. Our small lattes have two shots of espresso.)
Customer: “I’d like a small latte with a shot of espresso.”
Me: “A single-shot latte?”
Customer: “Yes.”
(My coworker makes the latte and gives it to the man.)
Customer: “Is there a shot of espresso in here?”
Coworker: “Yes, did you want it on the side?”
Customer: “No, I wanted a latte with espresso in it.”
Me: “But you just wanted the one shot, right?”
Customer: “No, I wanted a regular latte with a shot of espresso.”
(I begin thinking maybe he actually wanted a latte with an extra shot to bring the total number of shots to three.)
Me: “So did you want an extra shot on top of the two included shots? Three shots?”
Customer: “Oh no, two is fine.”
(The customer leaves.)
Me: “I still have no idea what he wanted.”
Coworker: “Me either!”
(At the sandwich shop I work at, pretty much all the meat is cold and we only heat it at the customer’s request. I am working the first position on the sandwich line, greeting people, and starting their sandwiches for them. An older customer comes up to the line.)
Me: “Hi there, welcome to [Store Name]. What can I get you today?”
Customer: “I’d like a sandwich, please.”
Me: “Sure! What would you like in it?”
Customer: “Cold meat.”
Me: “Ma’am, all the meat is cold. What meat would you like?”
Customer: “Cold meat. I already said that!”
Me: “Well, what type? We have ham, chicken, beef, turkey—”
Customer: “How hard is it for you to just put cold meat in my d*** sandwich? Are you new here?! They always put cold meat in my d*** sandwich! For f***’s sake, just put cold meat in my sandwich!”
Me: *speechless* “Okay, how about I get you the person who regularly serves you to help you out?”
Customer: “No! F*** it! You’re useless at this!” *leaves store grumbling*
