Customer: “I want you to take these two pages, which are one-sided, and make me copies that come out two-sided. But print a test copy of it first so I can see it.”

(I print the requested double-sided copy and hand it to the customer. He stares at it for several seconds in silence.)

Customer: “Well, that’s great and all, but what about the other side?”

Me: “Uh, turn the paper over?”

Customer: “OH!”

(My boyfriend has to get up very early twice a week and sets his cell phone alarms in two minute increments. He has just set his alarm to Yoda’s voice. 5:00 am comes.)

Alarm: “When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not.” *Yoda laughter*

Boyfriend: *groans*

(We go back to sleep. 2 minutes pass.)

Alarm: “When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not.” *Yoda laughter*

Me: “Honey, it’s time to get up.”

Boyfriend: “No!”

Alarm: “When nine hundred years—”

Me: *pushing boyfriend out of bed* “Tell Yoda you’re awake already!”

(My boyfriend works at a coffee shop just off campus. Lots of students would come by to get coffee or snacks when the cafeteria is closed. I would do my homework at the counter in between classes to keep him company.)

Me: “Did you save me one of those pastries I like?”

Boyfriend: “No, but I’ll make it up to you by giving you my free drink today.”

Me: “Deal!”

(I give him a quick kiss over the counter and he turns to make my drink. Just then a girl walks in, saunters up to the counter, and starts flirting with him.)

Customer: “Hello? Could I get some service please?”

Boyfriend: “Yes miss, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want a large [expensive drink] with soy milk.”

(She leans over the counter in her low-cut shirt and winks.)

Boyfriend: “Okay, I’ll get that started for you.”

(He proceeds to make both drinks.)

Customer: “So, have you worked here long?”

Boyfriend: “Just about two years. I started when I started school.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m a freshman! Maybe we could be in some classes together?”

Boyfriend: “Probably not. I finished all my entry level classes already.”

(He returns to the counter with both finished drinks and passes me one.)

Boyfriend: “Your total comes to $x.xx.”

Customer: “Oh! Well, maybe I could pay you with this instead?”

(She hands him a piece of paper with her number on it.)

Boyfriend: “No. Your total is $x.xx.”

Customer: “But…I flirted with you. That means my drink is free.”

Boyfriend: “No, it doesn’t.”

Customer: “But, you gave that girl her drink for free and she’s not even half as pretty as me!”

Boyfriend: “That’s my girlfriend you just insulted. And she is much prettier than a shallow, whiny, self-centered, air-headed brat like you.”

(The customer storms out, without her drink.)

Me: “Have I told you how much I love you today?”

Me: “It’s so nice today! I can’t wait for summer to actually get started so we can spend more days like this.”

Boyfriend: “I’m so sweaty I feel like I just did it with the sun.”

(My four-year-old daughter is leafing through one of our DVD books, looking for a movie.)

Me: “Why don’t you look in your DVD book for a movie?”

Daughter: “No, I want the one I watched with Daddy, with the…” *makes a motion like firing a gun*

Me: “Gun? Um, okay, what else did it have?”

Daughter: “Humans.”

Me: “Guns and humans…that doesn’t really narrow it down. What else?”

Daughter: “Trees, and blue suits.”

Me: *taking a wild leap of logic* “GI Joe?”

Daughter: “Yes!” *starts singing* “GI Joe, GI Joe, GI Jooooooe!”