(I work at a dollar store in the area where I pack out boxes for a summer job. I am assembling plastic cups in the children’s section when I hear a large bang behind me. I turn around and find a child holding a heavily loaded shopping cart inches away from my legs. With all that weight, he could have severely injured me. The cart apparently hit the box I was packing out from.)

Customer: “Mommy! I almost hit him!”

Customer’s Mom: “Don’t worry sweetie. You’ll get him next time!”

(I never asked to work in the children’s aisle again!)

Me: “No one thinks we’re romantic. I think you’re romantic.”

Husband: *obviously not listening* “Look sir, droids!” *holds up an onion ring*

Me: “…or not.”

(My boyfriend and I are discussing getting married one day. I am 24.)

Boyfriend: “You would marry me right now if I asked you.”

Me: “No, I wouldn’t!”

Boyfriend: “Yes, you would.”

Me: “No, I wouldn’t. You’d need a ring first anyway.”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’m not asking you now. But one day I’ll ask you and you’ll say yes. Then you’ll spend the next 27 years annoying me.”

Me: “27?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’ll have to leave you for a 20 year old before you hit 50.”

Me: “Well done. Now you’re bad at love and math.”

(My boyfriend has been playing an online Star Trek game for weeks. One night, my mother calls when we’re together and he decides to hop on the game. I’m annoyed he’s going to play while I’m there, but he promises to get off when I hang up.)

Me: “I’m doing well, mom.”

Mom: “How’s [boyfriend] doing?”

Me: “He’s good too, he’s pl—”

(I glance up at the screen, and for the first time notice what he’s named his ship.)

Me: “Hang on mom.” *to him* “Did you name your ship after me?”

Boyfriend: “That’s your name, isn’t it?”

Me: “Huh…so it is.”

(I resume my conversation with my mom and we hang up. I get up and kiss my boyfriend’s head then sit down.)

Me: “You’re adorable.”

Boyfriend: “Since you know just how adorable I am now, does this mean you’ll let me play more? Technically, it means I’m spending time with you!”

(I’m sitting sideways on the couch with my feet hanging over the arm, when my 14-year-old sister leans close to my feet, staring at them.)

Sister: “Do you have an extra toe?! Oh wait, I counted wrong.”

Me: “What is wrong with you?” *to my mom* “Do you hear your daughter? She just asked if I had an extra toe!”

(Mom stares at my foot.)

Me: “Are… are you counting my toes? Oh my gosh, you are! Stop staring at my feet!”