(I am working all by myself for the first time, unsupervised, overnight. My manager seems to be a very cheerful person.)

Manager: “Are you sure that you’ll be all right by yourself, sweetie? I worry sometimes you being a girl and all.”

Me: “Oh, thank you for your concern, but I’ll be all right I hope!”

Manager: “Well, I’m going. If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to call my cell phone!”

Me: “Okay.”

Manager: “I mean it! For anything! Anytime!”

Me: “Okay, thanks.”

(She leaves. A few hours later, there’s a problem: I can’t find a guest’s laundry. I’ve looked everywhere, so I finally call the manager.)

Manager: *very sleepily* “Hullo?”

Me: “Hi, [manager]? Sorry to wake you up, but I can’t find this guest’s laundry.”

Manager: “You called me for THAT?! WHATEVER! Have you checked the backroom?!”

Me: “I did… I looked everywhere.”

Manager: *very irritably* “I can’t believe you woke me up at FOUR in the MORNING for this little thing! It’s UNBELIEVABLE!”

Me: “…”

Manager: “Just tell her I’ll look for it in the morning!” *hangs up*

(After that, I make a vow not to ever call her again, no matter what she says. After all I don’t like being woken up either. The next evening, she’s filling some forms out in the back and another guest has a problem.)

Guest: “Get me the manager now!”

Me: “One second.” *goes to the back* “Hey [manager], someone up front is asking to speak to a manager.”

Manager: “Can’t you handle it yourself?! I’m busy!”

Me: “But—”

Manager: “Just handle it YOURSELF!” *throws some paper at me*

(I run up front and tell the angry customer the manager’s very busy right now. The customer throws a fit. After a while, the manager comes out.)

Manager: “What’s all this noise? I told you to handle it.”

Me: “She wanted to speak to a manager!”

Manager: *to guest* “What do you want?!”

(She and the guest quarrel for a while, and then the guest stomps off. I go up front again and the manager goes in the back. She emerges with her things.)

Manager: *suddenly cheerful* “Well! I’m going home. Are you sure that you’ll be all right by yourself, sweetie? I worry sometimes you being a girl and all. If there’s anything you need don’t hesitate to call my cell phone! I mean it! For anything! Anytime! Toodle oo!”

Me: “…”

(True to my word, I never did call her for anything. A few months later, I quit!)

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Coworker: “So, I’ll get access to my new apartment on January 1st. That’s in like… a month?”

Me: “It’s exactly two weeks from today. It’s Tuesday the week after next.”

Coworker: “Oh, that soon? Wait, so is January 1st the day after New Years’ Eve this year?”

Me: “…Yes, the new year kind of always starts with January 1st…”

My Dad: “Two tickets for the Hobbit at 2:00.”

Cashier: “Twilight doesn’t start until 7:45.”

My Dad: “…What?”

Cashier: “Twilight doesn’t start until 7:45.”

(There is a brief pause where we look at her in confusion before she seems to clue in.)

Cashier: “…What movie did you want to see?”

My Dad: “The Hobbit.”

Cashier: “…And at what time?”

My Dad: “2:00.”

(We pay for our tickets and head towards the concession counter.)

My Dad: “And they wonder why machines are taking their jobs!”

(I work as a receptionist for a vet clinic. When people are thinking about adding an animal to their life, we always recommend they do a lot of research into the breed, so they can choose the pet that’s best for them, both for their sakes and the pets. One morning, a woman calls in, frantic.)

Client: “I have to see a vet as soon as possible. I think there’s something horribly wrong with my beagle puppy!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’m penciling you in. Can I ask, what are his symptoms?”

Client: “I’m not sure exactly, but he’s running around the house making this horrible sound, like he’s in pain. I don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Alright, well just take a deep breath. Can you get a good look at him? Does he have any injuries, or any other symptoms? Is he vomiting?”

Client: “No, he’s just making this awful sound! I think he’s-” *she’s interrupted by the ‘horrible’ sound* “There! That’s what he’s been doing all morning!”

Me: “Um, ma’am, how old is your beagle?”

Client: “Six months, why?”

Me: “Ah. Well, it sounds to me like he’s baying.”

Client: “What’s that? Is it serious?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Baying is a distinctive type of howl that hunting dogs make. When hunting breeds reach a certain age, their voice drops, the same way a human’s does, and they begin to bay when they’re excited. It sounds like your puppy just found his bay.”

Client: “But he’s not a hunting dog! I don’t even hunt!”

Me: “Beagles are a hunting breed, ma’am. They have been used to hunt for centuries. Baying is instinctive.”

Client: “Well, make him stop!”

Me: “I… what?”

Client: “Make him stop making that noise, it’s terrible!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t… make him stop. He’s doing what he’s bred to do. It sounds like he’s just excited with the new noise he can make and he’s showing it off. He’ll probably use it less once the newness has worn off.”

Client: “Less?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Client: “But…” *pause* “He’s going to do this forever?”

Me: “Welcome to owning a beagle, ma’am.”

This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

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(I am a teenage passenger on a public bus and there is an older gentleman talking so loudly on his cell phone that he’s drowning out my music player. I talk to the driver, who’s clearly just as annoyed by the man as the rest of us are.)

Me: “He’s being really loud. Is there anything you can do about it?”

Driver: “I would, but I’ve already been written up twice this week because rude customers complained about me telling them off; one more and I lose my job. I can’t take the chance.”

Me: “Okay, no problem…”

(I go over and stand in front of the rude passenger who’s still on his phone.)

Rude Passenger: *to his phone* “…KIDS ARE SO RUDE THESE DAYS! THEY HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THEIR ELDERS!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir.”

(He ignores me and keeps talking. I decide enough is enough, and I snatch the phone from him and turn it off before handing it back to him.)

Me: “First off, it’s rude to ignore someone when they address you. Second, it’s really disrespectful to be so loud in a public space; I couldn’t even hear my music over your griping. Maybe you wouldn’t have so much to complain about if you set a better example.”

(He was quiet for the entire rest of the trip, and the driver gave me a free all-day pass!)

This story is part of the People Who Should Get Off Their Phones roundup!

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