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Marked Down But Not Giving It Out

| Right | February 10, 2013

(It is the 1990s. We have ‘marks’ as our currency. I work in the grocery store, and my duty is to sell fish and other seafood. A women approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you change this thousand mark bill into one 500, four 100’s,one 50, four 10’s and ten coins of 1 mark?”

Me: “I’m sorry madam, I can’t. I don’t have a cash register here at all and I’m afraid that even cashiers aren’t allow to change a thousand mark bill, because it is early in the Saturday morning and we need to have small change in our cash registers. But there’s no harm asking; the cash registers are over there.”

Customer: “No, no, I meant that can you change this from your own money?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m a college student and work here only part time and since I’ve just paid my rent, I don’t even have that kind of a money in my bank account.”

Customer: “I’m not interested what you have or don’t have in your bank account. I want you to change this for me. Take the money from your pockets.”

Me: “Well, as I don’t have that kind of the money in my bank account, unfortunately I don’t have that kind of money in my pockets, either.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you. Show me your pockets!”

Me: *showing* “As you can see, the only thing in my pocket is this handkerchief.”

Customer: “But you are a woman, you surely have a hand bag, don’t you?”

Me: “Well, yes I do.”

Customer: “So, where is it?”

Me: “It’s in my locker, in our locker room.”

Customer: “So, why won’t you go to your hand bag and fetch the money from there?”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t leave, because I’m the only seller here right now, and it wouldn’t be any use anyway. I can assure you that I don’t have 1000 marks in my purse either.”

Customer: “So, why do you work here if you can’t even help a customer by changing my bill into a smaller bills and coins?”

Me: “I work here because I need to finance my studies.”

Customer: “Some fine financing! I can’t believe you won’t be able, or willing, to help me out!”

Weekly Roundup: Language Hides Nothing!

Right | February 10, 2013

Weekly Roundup: Language Hides Nothing! This week, we feature five stories of bad customers badmouthing employees in another language… unfortunately for them, the employee understands every word!

  1. In A Tsary State (5,254 thumbs up)
  2. Customers Should Watch Their Language, Part 2 (4,345 thumbs up)
  3. Taiwannical Behavior (1,632 thumbs up)
  4. Es-pwñ-ol (1,822 thumbs up)
  5. Parlez-vous Douchebag (2,053 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Romance Is Dead

| Romantic | February 9, 2013

(I am talking to a coworker about my sister who goes to the same school as him.)

Me: “Her birthday is April 1st.”

Coworker: “Oh, that’s mine and my girlfriend’s anniversary.”

Me: “Did she thinking you were kidding when you asked her out?”

Coworker: “No, I actually played a joke on her and felt bad so I asked her out.”

Me: “That’s… nice. What did you do?”

Coworker: “I sent her a text telling her I died.”

The Be Haves And Be Have Not’s

| Related | February 9, 2013

(My little brother is always energetic and rambunctious. He gets told to behave a lot.)

Dad: “Will you calm down and behave already!”

Brother: “I am being have!

A Mother, A Daughter, And A Holy Ghost

| Related | February 9, 2013

(My 3-year-old daughter and I are eating frozen yogurt. The location has very little seating. An older lady comes up asking to share our table, we oblige. Besides, my daughter is very friendly and loves to chat.)

Daughter: “Hi!”

Older Lady: “Hello!”

Daughter: “Where do you come from?”

Older Lady: “I come from God.”

(This stops us both, because while we are Christian, I really don’t know how to respond to that. The conversation moves on to the sorts of topics a precocious 3-year-old can handle, and the lady finishes her treat, and gets up to go. She waves my daughter a friendly good-bye.)

Daughter: “Bye!” *pause as she tries to think of a more flowery farewell* “I hope you go back to God soon!”