(I am on phone with my long-distance boyfriend. As my laptop is out for repair, I am so bored that I keep calling him the whole day. This leads to him telling me to stop suffocating him. After a while, we are both cool about the comment and are joking about it. He then calls me.)

Me: “Babe, are you on a suicide mission?”

Boyfriend: “Why do u ask that?”

Me: “Am I not suffocating you? Aren’t you gasping for breath?”

(It finally strikes him, he makes gasping for breath noises.)

Boyfriend: “Yes I am dying, but I would rather die talking to you than not talking to you.”

(My father does all the cooking and baking for our family. My mother recently had a hysterectomy due to a tumor. My brother is nine, and he takes a homemade cake to school for his birthday.)

Teacher: “How nice! Did your mother bake this?”

Brother: “No. Mommy can’t cook. She doesn’t have a uterus.”

This story is part of our Cake roundup!

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(My mom and I are sitting in the living room. I have recently put a tea kettle to boil. It starts whistling.)

Mom: “What’s that noise?”

Me: “The teapot.”

Mom: “It broke. It stopped whistling.”

Me: *going to the kitchen* “I told you, I fixed it. Do you want any?”

Mom: “How?”

Me: “I wrapped my hair-band around the handle. Do you want some tea?”

Mom: “But it was broken!”

Me: “I fixed it! Do you want tea?”

Mom: “How though? Oh! You wrapped your hair-band… I get it.”

Me: “Do you want and tea?”

Mom: “I get it now. I was just a little slow.”

Me: “Do you want tea?”

Mom: “You gave it a quick-fix. I remember you saying that now.”

Me: “Okay, but do you want tea?”

Mom: “My brain is putting the pieces—”

Me: *interrupting* “Yay, congratulations, you get it! Now, do you want some tea?”

(My mom looks at me for a couple seconds.)

Mom: “Oh. Irish breakfast, please.”

(I’ve lost the password I need to access my billing and setting and am calling to reset it.)

Representative: “Hello, thank you for calling [phone company]. How may I be of assistance today?”

Me: “Hi, I need to reset my password.”

Representative: “Of course, I’d be happy to help you with that. Can I have your name, number, and last 4 digits of your social security number?”

(I give them to her.)

Representative: “Thank you. Is there anything you would like me to temporarily reset your password to?”

Me: “Yes. Six, six, four, four.”

Representative: “Passwords must be four to five digits.”

Me: “But I only gave you four.”

Representative: “Oh, can you give them to me again?”

Me: “Six, six, four, four.”

Representative: “Thank you. To double check, do you want it reset to six, six, four, four or sixty six, forty four?”

January 2013 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Right’s top-rated stories for the month of January!

1. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Powers (4,458 thumbs up)
2. Setting Mother Straight (4,161 thumbs up)
3. This Boss Gets More Than Just The Check (4,039 thumbs up)
4. Fighting Hate Is Everyone’s Job (3,653 thumbs up)
5. Paging Insecurity (3,427 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!