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He Does Have A Good Point

, , , | Right | June 5, 2008

(A man walks through the service door into the kitchen of the restaurant. I work the drive-thru, right next to the service door.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: “Hi, I’d like to order some food.”

Me: “Um, I think you went in the wrong door, sir.”

Man: “No, I didn’t. That door says ‘service’ on it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to go up front to the dining room.”

Man: “Can’t you just take my order here?”

Me: “Um, I suppose…”

(I take his order, make his drink, and the cooks make his food. I hand it to him.)

Man: “Thanks! I’ll be sure to come back!”

Me: “Can you use the main door next time?”

Man: “Why? I got such good service through the service door!”

(As soon as he left the cooks and I burst out laughing.)


This story is part of the Drive-Thru roundup!

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Sorry I Asked

, , , | Right | June 5, 2008

(I notice an older woman and her twenty-something long-haired son struggling to find a certain brush in our hair care aisle.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

Mother: “Help me? Help ME? The only way you could help me is to make my Fabio son over here stop dating thirteen-year-old girls!”

Hopefully, She Got The House

, , , , , | Romantic | June 5, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi, yes, I’m calling because your hotel charged our credit card twice?”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. If I can have your name, I’ll look you up in the computer and we can get this straightened out.”

Guest: *morphs into an uber-witch in three seconds flat* “Straightened out? D*** right you’re going to get this straightened out! You charged enough for that crappy little room! I’ll be d***ed if we’re paying for it twice! My husband works too hard for his money to be charged double for something like this! There wasn’t even a bar there!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if I can just have your name and the date you stayed–”

Guest: “That’s just it! I was charged on two separate DATES. My name is [Guest] and my husband and I stayed there on June 9th. There’s another charge on there for the 17th. I want this fixed!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand. I’m looking now, ma’am… Okay, I see the problem. You did stay here on the 9th of June. I’m showing that someone by the name of [Husband] stayed on the 17th.”

(There’s dead silence for a moment, and then whispering.)

Guest: “What?”

(At this point my stomach falls into my shoes, because I can hear her mind ticking away, and I know something she doesn’t: another name is listed on the screen with her husband’s for the June 17th stay, and it’s NOT HERS.)

Me: “Um… ma’am?”

Guest: “I see. You’ve been very helpful.”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Can I help you with anything else today?”

(At this moment the woman drops the phone but does not hang up, and I hear her begin to scream at someone, swearing in combos I never would have thought up. I hang up quickly and try to go about my business, making a note of it to tell my boss. Later I get another phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How–”

Guest’s Husband: “I want to talk to your manager, you stupid little b****! You probably just cost me my marriage and I am going to sue your s***-hole hotel for every penny it’s worth! Do you hear me? Do you?!”

Me: *click*


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Righteousness And Hyprocisy, Sitting In A Tree

, , | Right | June 4, 2008

(I was ringing this customer’s order up and the entire order consisted of chicken, pork chops, t-bones, and rib eyes.)

Me: “Your total is going to be [over $200].”

Customer: “Now, before I pay you, I have to say something…”

Me: “Okay?”

Customer: “I know this has no reflection on you and you more than likely can’t do anything about it, but [Store] has no right to sell live animals.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I start chuckling a little. We only sell live goldfish as feeder fish for people’s piranhas and Oscars.)

Customer: “Well, what on earth can be so funny about me saying that?”

Me: “Weeelllll, you really had no problem buying the dead animals we sell.”

Customer: “As a charter member of PETA, I resent everything you just said to me. Not only does this store sell live animals, but it sells dead ones, too?”

Me: “Yes. We sell pork, chicken, beef, bison, and several different types of fish.”

Customer: “And you see no problem with this?!”

Me: “Well, you see, as a card-carrying member of the NRA, the only problem I can see is that they don’t also offer to cook it for me, too.”

(The customer stormed off without ever paying for their stuff. My manager wound up writing me up for being less than courteous.)


This story is part of the Hypocritical Customers roundup!

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A Leaf Blower And An Acetylene Torch Should Do The Trick

, , , | Right | June 4, 2008

Customer: “Hi, do you sell hairdryers?”

Me: “Um, this is a hardware store.”

Customer: “Yes, yes, I know that. Do you sell them?”

Me: “No, we sell hardware here. But I’m sure the [Department Store] up the road sells hair dryers.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just look around a bit.”

(About ten minutes later…)

Customer: “You could have TOLD me you only sold tools and nails here, BEFORE I wasted my time. Now I’ll have to go to [Department Store]!”