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They Do Have A Point

, , , , , , | Right | November 13, 2009

Customer: “I want two tickets to Precious.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that doesn’t come out in this state until the 20th. It only opened limited in a few states today, but no theater in North Carolina will get it until November 20th.”

Customer: “I looked on the website! It said you had it!”

Me: “Please come inside to the customer service counter.”

(I pull up our website and the Precious movie website.)

Me: “See, both sites say that it doesn’t open here until the 20th. Sorry about the mix-up.”

Customer: “But Oprah said it would be playing!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but Oprah has no control over our movie schedules.”

Customer: “Oprah controls EVERYTHING!”

Comically Bad Timing

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2009

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

Customer: “Good, how are you?”

Me: “I’m good. Do you have an Air Miles card?”

Customer: “Yes. Yes, I do.”

(He hands me a card that is well-worn and falling apart.)

Customer: “It’s really old, but it still works well. My god does it ever work well.” *creepy look*

(The customer pays and leaves, all the while staring at me very creepily. About two minutes later, he comes back into the store, returns to my line, looks at me right in the eye, and says…)

Customer: “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”

Viva(cious), Las Vegas

, , , , , , | Right | November 13, 2009

(I work in a guitar shop that caters to vintage and collectible guitars. A man comes in with three guitars claiming they are all either rare or owned by famous musicians.)

Customer: “This guitar was owned by John Lennon and used on his last album!”

Me: “Which one?”

Customer: “The one he made in ’85.”

Me: “Lennon died before then. What else you got?”

Customer: “Well, this one was played by Elvis!”

(This seems almost plausible. The guitar is of a vintage that I knew could have been from that era.)

Me: “Well, let me run the serial number…” *I run the serial* “Sir, this guitar was made in 1987.”

Customer: “BUT ELVIS PLAYED IT!”

Me: “How did a dead man play it?”

Customer: “What? Elvis isn’t dead! I bought it from him in Las Vegas!”


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

Read the next Customers Caught Lying roundup story!

Read the Customers Caught Lying roundup!

Menage A Fraud

, , , , , , | Right | November 12, 2009

(I am filling out a fraudulent charge claim for a customer.)

Customer: “There’s a charge on my statement for some medical thing and I never bought it.”

(Note: the ‘medical thing’ is for ‘male enhancement.’)

Me: “Okay, we can go ahead and file a fraud claim for you. So, just to verify, you never purchased anything from this company, correct?”

Customer: “I never got anything from them!”

Me: “Okay, so you purchased it, but you didn’t receive it?”

Customer: “Well, it didn’t work! Not that I need it.”

Me: “Okay, so you did receive it?”

Customer: “No! I didn’t order it! I don’t need it! And it didn’t work!”

Me: “Sir, you have to pick one. You didn’t order it, you didn’t receive it, or it didn’t work. But it has to be one; it can’t be all three.”

Customer: “All of them!”

Pulling The Fur Over Your Eyes

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2009

Me: “Hello, [Pet Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I have five or six of these stray cats that keep coming in my yard. Can you come take care of them?”

Me: “No, sir, you would need animal control to help you with that. Would you like me to give you their number?”

Caller: “But they’re killing my wife’s flowers! Why can’t you just come and get them?”

Me: “Sir, we’re a boarding facility; we watch peoples’ pets for them. We don’t take strays.”

(The caller argues for the next ten minutes before finally hanging up. About two minutes later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Hello, [Pet Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Same Caller: “Yeah, I have six cats that I need to board…”


This story is part of our Homeless Animals roundup!

Read the next Homeless Animals roundup story!

Read the Homeless Animals roundup!