Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

All of our stories, starting with the newest!

I’m Sensing Something Cylindrical And… Swedish

, , , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(I work at an adult novelty shop. A man and a woman come into the store together, obviously a pair. The man comes to the front counter, pays for a sex toy (think of the first Austin Powers movie) and leaves. A bit later, the woman comes up to the front desk.)

Woman: “Have you seen my husband?”

Me: “Ooooh. Um. I think he just left.”

Woman: “Oh, really?” *gets on her cellphone* “Hey, honey! Forget something!?”

(A few moments later, the front door flies open and the man sulks in, meets back up with his wife, and they both leave together.)

Coworker: “I’m glad he came back for her. I don’t think she’d fit in the lost-and-found.”

A Sticky Situation

, , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(Ever wonder why you can’t buy gum at a movie theater? Patrons plaster their used gum *everywhere.* An assistant manager I worked with knew exactly how to get the point across.)

Movie Theater Patron: “Do you carry any gum?”

Assistant Manager: *low growl* “Gum… is our enemy.”

Leonard Is Rolling Over In His Grave

, , , , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(An older lady calls in to see if we will waive the late fee on her credit card. I see several previous refunds and decide not to refund unless it’s a bank error.)

Old Lady: “I’m afraid I forgot to send the payment. I just lost my husband, and it’s been such a stressful month for me.”

(I start to feel sorry for her and think maybe I can cut her a break. Then, I read the notes on the account more closely.)

Me: “Ma’am, what was your husband’s name?”

Old Lady: *sadly* “It was Leonard.”

Me: “Ma’am, I see that you faxed us Leonard’s death certificate two years ago, so you could remove his name from the account.”

Old Lady: *now indignant* “Well, it doesn’t get any easier!”

All Hail Wikipedia

, , , , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(A customer comes in, spends thirty minutes browsing games, then proceeds to talk to me for another forty-five minutes about whatever. I hint several times for him to leave the store.)

Customer: “Puzzle games are hard… I enjoy Halo way more. Why do you think people want to play puzzles, anyway? And what’s with the word, anyway? Z’s suck.”

Me: “Just a second.”

(I decide to try something desperate: I go to the computer on the counter and look up “puzzle” on Wikipedia.)

Me: “A puzzle is a problem or enigma that challenges ingenuity. In a basic puzzle, one is intended to piece together objects in a logical way in order to come up with the desired shape, picture, or solution. Puzzles are–”

Customer: “Okay, I get it.”

Me: “–often contrived as a form of entertainment, but they can also stem from serious mathematical or logistical problems–”

Customer: “Please stop.”

Me: “–in such cases, their successful resolution can be a significant contribution to mathematical resear–”

Customer: “Stop it, you a**. I get it.”

Me: “–ch. Solutions to puzzles may require recognizing patterns and creating a particular order. People with a high inductive reasoning aptitude may be better at solving these–”

Customer: “STOP IT, F***! WHY DON’T YOU F****** STOP? WHY?!”

Me: “–puzzles than others. Puzzles based on the process of inquiry and discovery to complete may be solved faster by those wi–”

Customer: “FINE, I’LL BUY THIS SONIC GAME! SHUT THE F*** UP, JESUS CHRIST!”

(I scan the game, take his money, and wave him out.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

Puzzle on Wikipedia


This story is part of our Video Games Roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Hilarious Stories That Only Pokémon Fans Will Understand

 

Read the next Video Games Roundup story!

Read the Video Games Roundup!

Talk About Creepy

, , , | Right | June 26, 2008

(It’s 3:30 am, and a hotel guest wanders into the back office that is clearly marked for staff only…)

Guest: “My phone isn’t working. I need to call someone… it’s really important.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You can’t be back here. Please go back into the lobby and I will reset your phone line.”

Guest: *points at a chair* “Can’t I sit here?”

Me: “No. Go back out into the lobby, right now.”

Guest: *sits down* “I came here with a girl and she left me. Now I need to call for another girl.”

Me: “I’m sorry, really, but you can’t sit here. You can’t be back here. Please, go back into the lobby.”

Guest: *gets up* “Sorry. I’m upset.”

Me: “Give me a minute and I’ll reset your phone line and then call your room to see if it goes through.”

(I reset his phone and call his room. He leaves, only to come back five minutes later.)

Guest: “It still isn’t working. I’m really unhappy. Do you know where I can get a prostitute?”

Me: “I’m sure if you walk outside on the street and go to the corner you can find one, but you can’t bring her back here.”

Guest: “That isn’t safe.”

Me: “I’m sorry… I can’t help you, sir.”

Guest: “Are you a prostitute?”

Me: “No!”

Guest: “I’ll pay you $160.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not a prostitute, and I’m going to call security.”

Guest: “No, you won’t. You’re a prostitute. How about $280? How much do men normally pay?”

Me: “Do I look like a prostitute? I’m a receptionist. I do paperwork and check people in. I don’t sleep with them.”

Guest: “All of the girls that I know who are receptionists at night are prostitutes.”

Me: “Well, I’m not. Can you please go back to your room?!”

Guest: “I’m from Miami.”

Me: “Good. Can you please go back to your room?”

Guest: “Fine. Tomorrow I’m going to complain about the service here!”

Me: “… because I won’t sleep with you for money?”

Guest: “Will you just come sleep with me? I just need thirty minutes.”

Me: “No.”

Guest: “I’m talking to the manager tomorrow.”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. Good luck…”

(He finally leaves, and I make a note of this encounter. I discover the next day that he was refunded $20 due to my poor service. I have no idea what he told the receptionist when he checked out, but she clearly didn’t read my note!)