Failing The Bar
(A customer is buying drinks for him and his friends.)
Me: “£12.60, please.”
Customer: “Can I put that on the tab?”
Me: “Sure, what name is the tab in?”
Customer: “I don’t care.”
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Off-site And Out Of Sight
Parking Lot |
Right
| June 1, 2011
(I work for an automated parking structure. Unfortunately, we don’t have access to the cameras at the entrances. All we know about a situation is what a customer tells us over the intercom system.)
Customer: “Hello?”
Me: “Hello, this is [company]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Your machine is broken. It won’t take my credit card.”
Me: “Well, let’s see if I can help you. Please insert your ticket facing up, and then insert your credit card facing the same way.”
Customer: “Like this?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t have any cameras there, so I can’t see what direction you’re trying to insert your ticket.”
Customer: “Oh. Like this?”
Me: “Ma’am, I still can’t see you. Are you inserting the ticket facing up?”
Customer: “Like this?”
Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see you. Can you describe what the ticket looks like for me?”
*pause*
Customer: “Like this?”
About To Be Charged With Something Else
Customer: “Do you sell a charger for this phone?”
Me: “We usually do, but I’m not sure if we have any in stock. I’ll have a look for you.”
(I look on our accessories wall. I’m too busy to notice the customer has walked up behind me.)
Customer: *low voice* “It’s just that the prostitutes keep stealing mine.”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “Did you want to know that?”
Me: “Not really.”
Best To File This One Away
Tech Support |
Right
| June 1, 2011
Caller: “I am a year behind on the current week. How do I close the week?”
Me: “I can help you with that. You go to ‘File’, then ‘Close current week’.”
Caller: “I don’t have ‘File’.”
Me: “Hmm…then you must not have access to this function. Can you log in as the supervisor?”
Caller: “I am logged in as the supervisor.”
Me: “You’re sure you don’t have ‘File’? It should be listed at the top right.”
Caller: “Let me tell you what have. I have ‘File’, ‘View’, ‘Employee’, ‘Period’-”
Me: “That’s it there. Please choose ‘File’.”
Caller: “I don’t have ‘File’.”
Me: “But, you just said you had ‘File’.”
Caller: “No, it’s not there.”
Me: “Please call out what you have again at the top.”
Caller: “I have ‘File’, ‘View’, ‘Emplo’-”
Me: “That’s it. You have ‘File’. Please choose ‘File’ from the top left.”
Caller: *frustrated* “But, I don’t have ‘File’! I already told you!”
Me: *clears throat* “Please read out what you have again. Very…slowly.”
Caller: “Okay. I have ‘File’, Vi-”
Me: “Stop there, please. What was that?”
Caller: “I have Fi-”
Me: “You have ‘File’?”
Caller: “I have ‘File’.”
(I pause, hoping this allows the caller to get it.)
Caller: “Oh, you mean THIS ‘File’!”
Me: *cheerily* “Yes!”
Caller: “I click on this one?”
Me: “Yes, please.”
Caller: “Oh, that’s the one! Thank you so much!”
This Customer Has A Latte Problems
Coffee Shop |
Right
| June 1, 2011
(A customer walks in. She is a regular so I know her order.)
Me: “Good morning. What can I do for you?”
Customer: “Hey. Uh…”
Me: “Did you want your latte?”
Customer: *shocked* “You know I want a latte? Yeah. I do.”
Me: “Large, two shot soy latte, with sugar-free almond, right?”
Customer: *more shocked* “What do I get? Do you have soy?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “I only want two shots. With soy.”
Me: “Right, yes. And sugar-free almond.”
Customer: “Do you have sugar-free almond, or the regular almond?”
Me: “Both.”
Customer: *appears confused* “What do I get? Soy and almond, with two shots?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. Let me start making that for you.”
(I make the latte and hand it to her. She takes a sip. She now appears extremely bewildered.)
Customer: “Is this soy?”
Me: “Yes. With two shots. And sugar-free almond.”
Customer: “Okay. Right. Good.”
(She leaves. She comes back.)
Me: “Hello again. Everything all right with your coffee?”
Customer: “Uh. What? Can I get a large two-shot latte with, um…what do I get?”
(This customer does this every time she comes in.)