(I am working at an after school program and my kids have a nasty habit of always asking me to buy them stuff.)

Student #1: “You should give out iPods as prizes.”

Me: “No, [Student #1], I couldn’t do that.”

Student #1: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, to be honest, it’s too expensive. I don’t even buy a lot of nice stuff for myself.”

Student #1: “You’re so selfish! I bet you have a lot of money!”

(Finally, the only nice student I have speaks up.)

Student #2: “Be quiet! If she had money to buy you an iPod, why would she spend it on you? You’re so mean!”

(The nice student got an extra gold star that day.)

(I have to change my schedule at the beginning of the school year. The class I end up with is PE, so I get into our PE uniform only to find out they are at the swimming pool.)

Male Teacher: “What do you think you’re doing? Get back into the locker room and change into your swim wear!”

Me: “Sorry. I just got transferred into this class. I wasn’t informed that you were in the middle of swim. My last teacher was doing tennis.”

Male Teacher: “Fine, but bring your towel and swim wear tomorrow. You are swimming! Now walk around the pool the rest of class.”

(Unfortunately, the next morning I start my period and I am unable to use tampons at that time, so I once again come to class in my uniform.)

Male Teacher: “[My name], didn’t I tell you to bring your suit!?”

Me: *embarrassed* “I’m sorry, sir. I… um… I can’t swim today. Or for the next week.”

Male Teacher: “And why not?! Jesus, all you girls are the same. Always refusing to swim! You will be swimming today!”

Me: “Sir! I can’t swim! I can’t use… tampons. So unless you want to bio-hazard the pool, I suggest I walk the track for the week.”

(He turns bright red, apologizes about the whole ordeal, and explains he isn’t married and forgets that girls have a monthly cycle. For the rest of the semester, he never asked for an explanation when a female student said they couldn’t swim.)

(I’m taking a quiz and am seated next to a student who likes to bully me. All period long, she calls me a nerd under her breath while simultaneously trying to cheat off of my paper.)

Bully: *reads off my paper* “Ugh! ‘Dinero?’ I thought the Spanish word for money was ‘moo-la.'”

Me: “No, no. ‘Moo-la’ is cow.”

Bully: *smacks herself in the forehead* “Duh. I knew that!”

Me: “And a bull is ‘moo-lo.’ ‘O’ makes it masculine.”

Bully: “Duh! Everyone knows that, dweeb!” *writes it down*

(I work at the bar end of a coffee shop. One day, two girls in their early twenties walk in and I overhear them talking about a popular TV show.)

Girl #1: “So I finally got to the pool scene! Officially ‘shipping’ Stiles and Derek, and I have no shame.”

Girl #2: “What? Why the h*** would anyone do that?! They aren’t gay!”

Girl #1: “Doesn’t mean I can’t like them together. Besides, Stiles is bi.”

Girl #2: “What? Ugh! I’ve lost all respect for that f**.”

Girl #1: “…he’s bi, not a f**.”

Girl #2: “That’s still a f**! It’s still a f****** queer!”

Girl #1: “I’m bi!”

Girl #2: “Oh, my God! You’re, like, gay?!”

Girl #1: “No! I’m bi! There’s a difference!”

Girl #2: “No, there’s not! I’m done with you, f****** f**!”

(By the time she storms out, the entire shop is staring at the first girl. She rubs her temple, and walks over from where she’d been standing in line, which is empty save for the person I’m just finishing serving.)

Girl #1: “Can I get a shot of tequila, or five?”

Me: “As long as you let me pay for them.”

(I asked her out the next week. Three months later, we’re still going strong. I’m male.)

(I work in the camera department. I am just wrapping up a sale with a customer who is purchasing a camera for his girlfriend.)

Me: “Alright, so your total comes to [total].”

(He hands me his card.)

Customer: “So, what’s there to do around here? I’m just in town for a couple days for work, so I really don’t know the area.”

Me: “Well there’s a few nice parks, the outdoor swimming area, malls, clubs, the new art gallery and library. Lots of options depending on what you’re into.”

Customer: “What if I’m into you?”

Me: “Umm… pardon?”

Customer: “What time are you off work? You should come by my hotel room; got one with a jacuzzi and everything.”

Me: “Yeah… ah… no thanks. I mean, I did just sell you a camera for your girlfriend.”

Customer: “You said it takes HD video, right? Could get some good use out of it!”

Me: “No thank you, sir. You have a girlfriend, and I’m not interested. Here’s you’re receipt. Have a good night.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her! And it’s not like I’m looking for a relationship or whatever, just a good f***! How about this; I’ll buy you dinner first.”

Me: “Sir, get out. I’ve told you that I’m not interested. And as you registered the service plan on the camera under your girlfriend’s phone number, I have her on file. If you do not leave this store right now, I will call her, and she will know what you’re trying to do here.”

(He curses at me and takes off. What’s sad is that this sort of thing is actually considered normal by my coworkers.)