(Seeing the line for the deli stretch halfway through the produce section, I stand in line while my fiancé goes for the rest of the stuff. Every single person in line ahead of me goes through the same process.)

Customer: “Let me get some ham.”

Deli Worker: “What kind of ham?”

Customer: “Um… [brand].”

Deli Worker: “Okay… What kind? Honey glazed, regular, salt free?”

Customer: “Oh… uh… [type].”

Deli Worker: “How much?”

Customer: “Um…”

(This continues on, not just for each customer, but even when one customer has multiple items! I finally step up to the counter just as my fiancé arrives.)

Me: “Let me get 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium roast reef, 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium turkey, and 1/2 pound [store brand] American yellow, please.”

Deli Worker: “Ooh honey, you’re my favorite customer of the day!”

Fiancé: “What was that about?”

Me: “Apparently, I’m the only person here that thinks ahead!”

Customer After Me: “Let me get some… salami.”

Deli Worker: “Here we go again!”

(I am the only female in the electronics department of a large retail store. A young male customer comes in.)

Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Er, um, actually if you don’t mind, could I perhaps speak to someone a bit more… male?”

Me: “Why of course, sir. Give me one moment.”

(I find my direct supervisor. I let him know that the customer wants to speak to someone more ‘male’.)

Supervisor: “Hello, sir. I understand you have a question for me?”

Customer: “Yes. I was wondering if you sold any televisions that didn’t need a converter box.”

(My supervisor looks at me.)

Me: “If you purchase a television that was manufactured after 2004, a digital tuner is more likely to have been included in the design specifications. We can check for an Advanced Television Systems Committee input if you’d like.”

Customer: “Uh… so?”

Me: “An ATSC is often referred to as a ‘digital input’, which negates the need for an external antennae to capture an analog signal. When the conversion happens, it will be essential that the TV you wish to continue using have the ability to receive and translate digital signals.”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Furthermore, should you decide to utilize a Video Cassette Recorder, you would most likely find it beneficial to connect a converter box to translate the digital signal to an analog recording outlet.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “Any TV we sell has a built in digital tuner, so you don’t need a converter box. If you want to use a VCR with a new TV, you will need a converter box.”

Customer: *speaking quickly* “Um, thanks. Have a nice day. Sorry.”

(The customer proceeds to bow his head, tuck his hands in his pockets, and walk rapidly towards the front door.)

Supervisor: “Nice.”

(I’m a sophomore in high school and a boy starts coughing and gagging on some crackers in class.)

Student: “Oh my God, Mrs [teacher], help! [Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!”

Teacher: “He can cough so he’s fine — wait, what did you just say?”

Student: “[Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!”

(Everyone in the room stares at the student and then laughs.)

Student: “What’s so funny?! He’s choking!”

Teacher: “[Student], he’s fine and he can’t have anything in his fallopian tubes.”

Student: “What do you mean? Aren’t your fallopian tubes up here?” *motions at her throat*

(I am an assistant student helping during the first years’ biology class. The class has been instructed to take a mouth cell sample to look at under the microscope. A student signals me to come over.)

Me: “Do you need help with something?”

Student #1: “Yes, can you please show us again how to take the sample correctly?”

(I explain the procedure, mimicking the way to scrap the inside of their cheeks with a cotton swab and then place the cells in the microscope slide.)

Student #2: “So are these cells animal or plant?”

(I’m taking a final exam with a professor who is known for little ‘experiments.’ I’m also not very good at his subject. Our tests are face down on our desks ready for us to begin.)

Professor: “Anyone who gets up now, walks out the door, and doesn’t take the test will get a 6.”

(A 6 is a passing grade, but barely. Most of the students get up and walk out. I remain seated.)

Professor: “[My name], you are having a hard time with this subject; don’t you want the 6?”

Me: “I would like my grades to be my own work, so I’ll stay.”

Professor: “Okay then. *addressing the few of us who stayed* “Please turn over the test.”

(We turn over the test and it only has one question: ‘Name.’)