(I’m sitting near the back of an almost empty bus. The only other passengers are a teenage couple sitting near the middle of the bus. An elderly passenger approaches.)

Elderly Passenger: “I’d like to sit here.”

Teen #1: “Pardon?”

Elderly Passenger: “I would like to sit here. I’m old, so you have to move.”

Teen #1: “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

(The elderly passenger starts shouting.)

Elderly Passenger: “How dare you? You young yobs shouldn’t even be on the bus; you’ve got healthy legs! And now you won’t give up your seat for someone who needs it more!”

Teen #2: “Sorry, are you blind as well as rude? The bus is empty. There are plenty of seats much closer to the front than this one, and you have no right to ask us to move. And secondly, we paid just the same as you did. We have just as much right to be on here as you do.”

(The elderly man goes to say something, but seems to reconsider and takes a seat closer to the back of the bus.)

(I am a cashier at an office supply chain. A man and his teenage son come up to my register. Our PIN pads are very clearly labelled with instructions.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yes, everything was fine.”

(He runs his card through.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, the machine makes you wait until the end to slide your card. It’ll be just a second.”

Customer: “Ah, okay.”

(The son points to the label on the pad that says ‘PLEASE WAIT FOR GREEN LIGHTS TO SLIDE CARD’.)

Customer: “…ah.”

Me: “All right, your total is [price]; you can go ahead and slide now.”

(He slides his card and puts it back in his wallet.)

Me: “Oh, I just need to see your card numbers for a second if it’s credit.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He hands over his card. His son points out the label that says ‘FOR CREDIT, PLEASE HAND CARD TO CASHIER’. The customer turns to his son.)

Customer: “You’re making fun of me for not reading directions, aren’t you?”

Son: “Kind of.”

Student #1: “So, what if I opened this window and an eagle flew onto my arm?”

Student #2: “Yeah! You could name it Charles!”

Student #3: “Actually, that would be two eagles.”

(Students #1 and #2 look at her blankly.)

Student #3: “Because ‘Charles’ is plural.”

(I’m in the cafeteria, eating lunch with my fraternity. I am completely, 100% blind, and my fraternity and I often joke about it in good fun.)

Fraternity Brother: “You should totally put on my glasses so we can see how they look on you.”

Me: “Sure.”

(My fraternity brother hands me his glasses and I put them on.)

Me: “Oh my goodness! I can SEE!”

Several Fraternity Brothers: *excitedly* “Seriously!?”

Me: “No. Just kidding!”

(The entire table erupts in laughter.)

Girl: “Do birds have eyelids?”

Boy: “Yeah, I think they do. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen birds blink before.”

Girl: “Do you think they close their eyes when they fly? I mean, the wind gets in your eyes and all.”

Boy: “Hmmm. No, I don’t think they close their eyes.”

Girl: “Oh right. Because their eyes are on the sides of their faces.”