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Fast Food For Fast Thinkers

, , , , , | Right | November 18, 2009

(I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)

Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”

Me: “49.”

Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”

Me: “64.”

Customer: “E equals MC squared?”

Me: “What about it?”

Customer: “What does it mean?”

Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”

Customer: “Uhm…”

Me: “Would you like fries with that?”

Barefoot And Barely Conscious

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2009

Manager: “[Shoe Store], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Shoes? What kind of store is this? I have a bill here from you.”

Manager: “It’s a shoe store.”

Customer: “A shoe store?”

Manager: “A shoe store.”

Customer: “Shoes?”

Manager: “Yes, a shoe store.”

Customer: “A masseuse? ”

Manager: “No, a shoe store.”

Customer: “What are shoes?”

Manager: “…you wear them on your feet?”

Customer: “Shoes?” *pauses* “Oh, shoes! Oh, right! It says that right on my bill here!” *hangs up*

It Was A Love/Hate/Poison Relationship

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2009

Customer: “Hello. How do you have strawberries so late in the season?”

Me: “They are a special breed called Everbearing. They last until the frost comes.”

Customer: “How did they get such a breed?”

Me: “Well, they bred them especially for this.”

Customer: “So they were genetically modified? That causes cancer!”

Me: “I’m sure they won’t give you cancer. There are other things that cause cancer, but–”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what causes cancer! Don’t you think I know what causes cancer?!”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “It’s okay, I’ll take a basket. They’re for my sister.”

Hair In Mid-air

, , , | Right | November 17, 2009

(A customer brings in a beautiful long-haired Shih Tzu for a trim up. As I am petting the dog, I feel that she is very matted.)

Me: “I am sorry, but Missy is very matted. She needs to be shaved down very close to her skin.”

Customer: “Oh, no, she’s not matted. Can’t you see how long her fur is? I brush her every day.”

Me: “I’m sure you do, ma’am, but you are only getting the hair on top. The hair on the bottom has become very matted and needs to be shaved.”

Customer: “Can’t you just shave the bottom and leave the top?”


This story is part of our Stupid Pet Owners roundup!

Read the next Stupid Pet Owners roundup story!

Read the Stupid Pet Owners roundup!

Stir, Yes, Sir!

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2009

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

Coworker: “Is that all?”

Customer: “YESSS!”


This story is part of the Ignorant Coffee Customers roundup!

Read the next Ignorant Coffee Customers roundup story!

Read the Ignorant Coffee Customers roundup!