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Sue-icidal

, , , , | Right | November 25, 2009

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, my brother bought one of your phones and had it shipped to my address. Now it’s here and I don’t want it here. Can you send somebody to take it back?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think we offer that kind of service. It’s up to you whether you hold onto it for your brother or post it back to us.”

Customer: “What?! I don’t want to be dealing with all this hassle!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I suggest you take this up with your brother, since he provided the shipping address.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you won’t collect it! What would your company do if I killed myself over this, hmm? Because if I do, I’m going to sue your manager!”

Fast, Furious, And Fined

, , , , , | Legal Right | November 25, 2009

(I’m a police officer and have just pulled over a driver for speeding.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”

Driver: “Yes… I was speeding.”

Me: “Ah, so you know you were speeding.”

Driver: “Yes, but I’ve got a movie due back in eight minutes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s not a real reason to be speeding–”

Driver: “Well, fine! You pay the one dollar late fee!”


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Driving Miss Ditzy

, , , , | Right | November 25, 2009

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like me to take your groceries to your car?”

Customer: “…into MY car?”

Me: “Yes, I can do that for you.”

Customer: “You want a lift in my car!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can take your groceries to your car for you and return the trolley.”

Customer: “But I still have groceries in my trolley! You can’t take my trolley yet! I’m not done!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you want to do it yourself, that’s fine.”

Customer: “Wait! I need help!”

Me: “All right, where did you park your car?”

Customer: “Hold on! Why the h*** do you need to know where my car is?”

Me: “So I can put your things in there.”

Customer: “No, this doesn’t sound right. I’m onto you!”

(The customer shuffles away with her trolley, periodically turning around to look at me suspiciously.)


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Why Judgment Day’s Gonna Be A Cakewalk, Part 2

, , , , | Right | November 24, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, how do I get out?”

Me: “The door is right over there, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not opening.”

Me: “It isn’t an automatic door.”

Customer: “So, how do I get out?”

The Wind In The Windows

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m having problems with my computer and–”

(Suddenly, what sounds like an air raid siren sounds off in the background.)

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize. I was unable to hear what you said.”

Caller: “Stupid tornado warnings! They always make it hard to talk on the phone.”

Me: “Oh… should I let you go?”

Caller: “Nah. This happens all of the time.”

(In addition to the siren, I hear a door slam and the sound of someone else entering the room. I hear a male voice who I guess is the caller’s husband.)

Caller’s Husband: “D*** it, woman, are you crazy?! Get to the basement!”

Caller: “Oh, I guess I should go…” *hangs up*