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Driving Miss Ditzy

, , , , | Right | November 25, 2009

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like me to take your groceries to your car?”

Customer: “…into MY car?”

Me: “Yes, I can do that for you.”

Customer: “You want a lift in my car!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can take your groceries to your car for you and return the trolley.”

Customer: “But I still have groceries in my trolley! You can’t take my trolley yet! I’m not done!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you want to do it yourself, that’s fine.”

Customer: “Wait! I need help!”

Me: “All right, where did you park your car?”

Customer: “Hold on! Why the h*** do you need to know where my car is?”

Me: “So I can put your things in there.”

Customer: “No, this doesn’t sound right. I’m onto you!”

(The customer shuffles away with her trolley, periodically turning around to look at me suspiciously.)


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Why Judgment Day’s Gonna Be A Cakewalk, Part 2

, , , , | Right | November 24, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, how do I get out?”

Me: “The door is right over there, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not opening.”

Me: “It isn’t an automatic door.”

Customer: “So, how do I get out?”

The Wind In The Windows

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m having problems with my computer and–”

(Suddenly, what sounds like an air raid siren sounds off in the background.)

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize. I was unable to hear what you said.”

Caller: “Stupid tornado warnings! They always make it hard to talk on the phone.”

Me: “Oh… should I let you go?”

Caller: “Nah. This happens all of the time.”

(In addition to the siren, I hear a door slam and the sound of someone else entering the room. I hear a male voice who I guess is the caller’s husband.)

Caller’s Husband: “D*** it, woman, are you crazy?! Get to the basement!”

Caller: “Oh, I guess I should go…” *hangs up*

In Hot Water For Hot Sauce

, , , , | Right | November 24, 2009

(At my store, we charge for certain sauces if you get them on the side. I have just given the customer his food, but rather than leave he just stands there and stares at me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there something else I can get for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want sauce.”

Me: “I’d be happy to get you some; they are 25 cents. How many do you want?”

Customer: “No, just give it to me for free.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I’d get in trouble, sir.”

Customer: “I won’t tell your manager!”

Me: “Actually, my manager is right there.” *points him out*

Customer: “Oh… well, give it to me anyway. You can get another job later.”

Saved By The Boss

, , , , | Right | November 24, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. What can I–”

Caller: “F*** YOU, B****! YOU G**D*** WOMEN HAVE NO F***ING RIGHT TO BELITTLE ME! B****!”

Me: “Um, sir, I think you have the wrong–”

Caller: “I SAID F*** YOU!”

Me: “Sir, this is tech support.”

Caller: “What?! Um… I mean… um…” *click*

(A few moments later, the phone rings again and I answer.)

Me: “Hello, tech support. What may I–”

Same Caller: “F*** YOU!”

Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number.”

Same Caller: *click*

(My boss who has been observing this the whole time decides to step in.)

Boss: *to me* “I’ll handle the phone now.”

(Not surprisingly, the phone rings again. My boss picks it up, and before the guy on the other end can say anything…)

Boss: “Sir, if you keep pressing redial, you will keep reaching the wrong number.”

Same caller: “Oh, s***!” *click*

(He didn’t call back.)


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