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The Router To Success

, , , | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer: “My Internet seems to be out. Most of the lights on the modem are blinking. I tried unplugging it and plugging it back in. Then I started yelling at it; now I’m out of ideas.”

Me: “Have you tried a manual reset?”

Customer: “Again, I did the ‘unplug and wait three minutes before plugging it back in’ thing.”

Me: “Yes, but there is a manual on/off button on the back of the router.”

Customer: *silence* “OH, MY GOD! Well… let it be known that I acknowledge my own stupidity and I hope this experience hasn’t damaged your faith in humanity too severely.”

Me: “No problem, sir. I’m glad we could get it resolved and I hope you have a nice day.”

Customer: “Well, I’m brain dead…” *hangs up*


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By Then It Won’t Be So Modern

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2010

I work in a pre-owned videogame store. ‘Modern Warfare 2’ has just been released.

Customer: “Do you have Modern Warfare 2?”

Me: “No, sorry, sir. We only sell pre-owned games.”

Customer: “So, it’s out of stock right now?”

Me: “No, sir. Since the game only came out yesterday we won’t have it in unless someone decides they don’t want it.”

Customer: “So, you don’t have it?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “When will you have it?”

Me: “In about two years.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll come back then.”


This story is part of the Unrealistic-Expectations roundup!

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A Mockery Of The Language

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer #1: “Two coffees, please.”

Customer #2: “Milk in mine.”

Me: “Sounds great. One regular coffee, one cafe au lait.”

Customer #1: “What did you say?”

Me: “Uh, cafe au lait.”

Customer #1: “I’ve never heard that before.”

Customer #2: “That’s ’cause it’s Mexican. Café O-L-E. Olé. I swear they’re taking over!”


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Vaguely Unfamiliar

, , , | Right | January 25, 2010

Customer: “I am looking for one of those things that are like a book, but not a book.”

Me: “Do you mean a magazine?”

Customer: “No, no. It is like a book, but not a book.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You know! A book thing, but not a book.”

(After the customer tries to explain this object to me for about ten minutes, my coworker comes back from lunch.)

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “I asked your coworker if you have those things that are like books but not books, but she is too simple to understand.”

Coworker: “You mean a magazine?”

Customer: “No! Is it so hard to just find one of those things? I thought this was a bookstore!”

(Overhearing us, my manager tries to help.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I am looking for a thing that is like a book, but not a book.”

Manager: “Well, let’s go look for it…”

(My manager ended up leading the customer all around the store, pointing out everything we had. The thing that was like a book but not a book? A bookmark.)

A Very Electric Blender

, , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to sell this.” *hands me a blender*

Me: “Okay, let’s take a look. Does it work?”

Customer: “Yep, it works great.”

(I proceed to test the blender. I plug it in and a huge spark jumps from the plug and the fuse blows. I unplug the blender and pick it up to try it in another plug. I notice a puddle under the blender.)

Me: “Where is this water coming from?”

Customer: “Oh… well, I put it through the dishwasher. Maybe it wasn’t completely dry yet.”

Me: “Putting the blender jar into the dishwasher shouldn’t make that much of a mess.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I put the whole thing in the dishwasher. I wanted the base to be clean, too.”


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