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Always Right, Even When Devouring Your Mortal Soul

, , , | Right | June 26, 2009

(A teenage customer comes up to my checkout with a bag of chips.)

Customer: “This job must suck. Am I right?”

Me: “It’s okay. It’s not horrible. I get paid to tell people how much to pay and sit around most the time. It’s pretty slow this time of day.”

Customer: “You should get out of here and go to college! Get an education!”

Me: “Sir, I’m already in college. This job and one other is paying for me to go to college, as well as my rent.”

Customer: “Hey! The customer is always right! You can’t correct me! And if I didn’t eat junk food, then I would eat your soul! How much for this?”

Me: “$1.08, sir.”

Customer: *pays and leaves*

Coworker: *to me* “Did he just say he was going to eat your soul?”


This story is part of our Junk Food Day roundup!

Read the next Junk Food Day story!

Read the Junk Food Day roundup!

The Spite At The End Of The Tunnel

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2009

(I’ve had a migraine all day on the job at the grocery store. I am making a valiant effort to fake it just a little longer, when…)

Customer: “You look too happy.”

Me: “Well, I’m–”

Customer: “I can fix that.”

(The customer proceeds to pull out something from her purse and shine a very bright light in my eyes. I take several steps back in pain.)

Customer: “There! I told you we could fix that!”

Some People Can’t Handle The Power

, , , , | Right | June 25, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “My cable won’t stop changing channels.”

(I walk the customer through a basic re-set.)

Me: “Has that resolved the issue?”

Customer: “No, it’s still changing channels.”

Me: “Okay, you’re just watching it and it’s just randomly changing channels by itself?”

Customer: “Yes, when I press the channel up and down buttons on the remote, it keeps changing channels.”

Me: “…that’s the purpose of the channel buttons.”

Customer: “Well, how do I get it to stop changing channels?”

Me: “Stop pressing the channel buttons.”

Customer: *getting irritated* “But I want to press the channel buttons, but it won’t stop changing.”

Me: “If you don’t want it to change, stop pressing the buttons.”

Customer: “Oh… but how do I get it to stop?”

Me: “Put your remote down and don’t touch it.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why would you have that button if it’s just going to change the channels?!”

It Just Jumps Off The Page

, , , | Right | June 25, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Hello, [Copy Shop] Printing.”

Woman: “Yeah, I need to get something printed, and I just need to know if you can do it or not.”

Me: “That’s entirely possible. What is it you want to print?”

Woman: “Well, it’s something on a website.”

Me: “Hmm. Web-res graphics tend not to print well. You’ll want something at least 300 dpi. And web graphics are in RGB color, and we would need CMYK.”

Woman: “Oh. Well, if I show you the website, can you check?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(She sends me to this website and directs me to a banner ad.)

Me: “Uh, you mean this advertisement that’s flashing at the top of the screen?”

Woman: “Yeah, can you print that? Like 1,000 of them so I can hand them out?”

Me: “But it’s animated. Even if the quality was good enough to print, I could only print one still frame… It wouldn’t be moving.”

Woman: “Darn it! That’s what my boyfriend told me, too! I just wanted to be sure.”

What You [Don’t] See Is What You Get

, , , | Right | June 25, 2009

Customer: “Hi, can you help me find invisible wire?”

Me: “Oh, fish wire?”

Customer: “Yes, invisible wire.”

Me: “Yup, that’s right over here.”

(I take the customer over, pull one off the hook, and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Is this a joke?!”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “This isn’t invisible wire! I can see it!”