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Fuel For (Lack Of) Thought

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2010

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “My son told me that to get broadband I’d have to pay more money, but I told him that there was this thing from the phone company you put on the telephone cord that gave you broadband.”

Me: “You mean a noise canceler, sir? That is only for DSL lines through the phone company, not through us.”

Customer: “Diesel… Yeah, that’s what I want! So, can you hook me up with diesel broadband?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry we don’t offer D-S-L Lines. You have to call your phone company and have them installed.”

Customer: “Do you have unleaded lines?”

Me: “Sir, it’s DSL. Not diesel as in the fuel.”

Customer: “You’re not a very good company, then. You’re saying I can’t get diesel from you, but then telling me I can’t get unleaded, either.”

Me: “Sir, if you just call your phone company, I am sure they can help you.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, then.”

(The customer starts mashing numbers on the keypad without hanging up. I stay on the line.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I just talked to [My Company] and they said you have diesel lines.”

Me: “Sir you never hung up the phone. This is still [My Name] from [My Company].”

Customer: “Holy s***! You work for both places?”


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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On Shaky Ground With This One

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2010

(This happened shortly after a large, widely reported earthquake in Hawaii.)

Me: “How can I be of assistance today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m interested in traveling to the Big Island in Hawaii.”

Me: “Okay, and do you know which dates you want to travel on?”

Customer: “Oh. Um, well… when does earthquake season end?”


This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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Too Much Shinformation

, | Right | January 18, 2010

Me: “Hi there, sir, can I find you a size in those jeans?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I’m not sure what size I am.”

Me: “Oh, well–”

Customer: “Wait, I can check!”

(The customer undoes his pants and pulls them down to his knees.)

Customer: “Check! Find the tag! I don’t know where it is; find my size!”


This story is part of our Need For Hazard Pay roundup!

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Un-Beaver-able

, , , | Right | January 18, 2010

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if every creature you have a statue of is actually living?”

Me: “Yes, sir, everything you see in here you can find somewhere in the wilderness.”

Customer: “Then why do you have a beaver?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You heard me. If everything in here is actually a living creature then why do you have beavers?”

Me: “Well, sir, beavers are living creatures. Haven’t you ever seen one in the pond down the road?”

Customer: “What? Beavers are real? My whole life I thought they were mythical creatures.”

(The customer walked away, looking lost and confused.)


This story is part of our “Not Getting Art” Roundup!

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One Adapter To Plug Them All

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2010

Me: “Good morning. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need an adapter.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what kind of adapter?”

Customer: “You mean there’s more than one?”


This story is part of our Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup!

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