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All Sold Out Of Death Notes

| Right | May 11, 2012

(The bookstore is located in the center of town, so we often have peculiar occurrences.)

Me: “Hi there, sir. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a card.”

Me: “Our card section is right this way. What occasion did you need the card for?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a card for my enemy.”

Me: “Um, okay—”

Customer: “I want it to say ‘DIE, BASTARD, DIE!'”

Me: “I’m…afraid we don’t actually have any cards to fit your needs. Your best bet is to try down the road at [competitor’s] store.”

Might Be A Game Changer

| Romantic | May 10, 2012

(I’m finally moving into my long distance boyfriend’s apartment. I have a majority of my stuff over there, but I still live at my place.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, I helped you unpack a little!”

(He sends a picture of his TV with my Playstation 3 home screen on it.)

Me: “You unpacked my PS3?”

Boyfriend: “Yup! and set it up too! Now it has Netflix.”

Me: “Awesome. Now, there is a box labelled ‘Videogames’ you can unpack too!”

Boyfriend: “Nah, I’ll let you handle that.”

The Black Widow To My Hawkeye

, , , , , | Romantic | May 10, 2012

(I have gone with friends from work to see the midnight showing of ‘The Avengers’. I am talking to my wife about it afterwards.)

Me: “I felt weird wearing my Spider-man shirt since he’s not an Avenger, but at least he’s Marvel. I saw some people wearing some weird stuff.”

Wife: “Like what?”

Me: “Well, I saw one person wearing an Aquaman shirt.”

Wife: “Wrong universe. And who would wear an Aquaman shirt? He’s just stupid!”

Me: “And, that’s why I love you.”


Loves Swell, From Hell

| Romantic | May 10, 2012

Me: “I love you a lot.”

Boyfriend: “I love you like a penguin loves his waddling.”

Me: “I love you like your rabbit loves clementines.”

Boyfriend: “I love you like Jack the Ripper loves the ladies of the night.”

Me: “…I’m not sure I want to be loved in that way.”

That’s His Big Game Plan

| Romantic | May 10, 2012

(My boyfriend calls me ahead of time to ask where I want to go on a date. Not having been to it in some time, I suggest the zoo.)

Boyfriend: *out of nowhere asks this* “Hey, you want an Altoid?”

(He likes ‘Altoids’, so I’m used to him offering me one.)

Me: “Sure.”

Boyfriend: *smiles, but doesn’t get the tin out* “It’s in my pocket. Why don’t you go ahead and get one out?”

Me: “Okay…”

(Thinking he’s just being playful, I reach into his pocket. There is no tin, only a fuzzy little box. My brain is slow to react, but then I realize what I’m actually feeling.)

Me: “I… I need to sit down.”

(There’s no benches close by as we’re in the African Safari section. So, we end up having to sit inside one of the tribal exhibit tents while he gets down on one knee, pulls out the box, and proposes!)