Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

All of our stories, starting with the newest!

Taking The Smile Out Of Simile

| Romantic | November 11, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are at dinner with friends. Most of them are married or in long-term relationships. As we are leaving the table, he wraps his arm around me and suddenly grabs me just above my hip.)

Me: “Ow! What are you doing?”

Boyfriend: “Hmmmmm…”

Me: “What? What is it?”

Boyfriend: *squeezing my hip* “It’s like a pastry thingie.”

Me: “What?!”

Friend: “Did you just call her fat?”

Boyfriend: “I meant…like…like baklava. Sweet? And layered?”

Me: *fuming*

Friend: “I don’t think she’s buying it, dude.”

Knowing Is Half The Battle

| Right | November 11, 2011

(I’m a server in my restaurant. The Sunday lunch crowd is usually the elderly. An older gentleman and his wife are seated, and I take their drink order.)

Me: “Would you like anything else to drink besides water?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a drink.”

Me: “Okay, what kind?”

(He doesn’t respond and looks at me for a while.)

Me: “We have canned soda: Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, Sunkist, iced tea, hot tea, coffee–”

Customer: “Yes, I want a can.”

Me: “Um, I…” *smile* “Which one?”

(He stares at me for a good while, like I should know better. Finally, his wife chimes in.)

Wife: “He’d like a Coke, please.”

Whiney Wine

| Right | November 11, 2011

(I work in a supermarket with a reputation for having an upper middle class customer base. It is a very, very busy Saturday and I’m trying to run people through as quickly as possible. Note I’m underage and can’t sell alcohol without the permission of a supervisor.)

Me: “I’ll just page someone of age to ring the wine through. Is it okay for me to do everything else first?”

Customer: “Whatever, just get on with it.”

(I start ringing everything else through, watching out for my supervisors. All of them are busy dealing with other customers and situations.)

Customer: “Do the wine now.”

Me: “Madam, I can scan it, but I can’t allow you to pay for it until it’s been run through by my supervisor.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not? Just run it through!”

Me: “I’m 17, madam. It’s against the law for me to buy or sell alcohol and I don’t have the option to bypass the supervisor authorization even if I wanted to.”

Customer: “So you don’t want to?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You don’t want to get someone to do it, do you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand–”

(Before I know it, the woman has turned around and stormed up to another employee, who isn’t from the section and is also underage.)

Customer: “There you are! I’ve been waiting forever for someone to do this alcohol because that girl won’t do it! Now, get over here and do it!”

Coworker: “Madam, I’m not from this section. I’m just collecting trolleys. I can’t process your alcohol.”

(The customer storms around the checkouts hunting for someone else, as I sit mortified at my till. Eventually, she finds one of the supervisors. After a barrage of anger, her alcohol is processed.)

(Not The) Scent Of A Woman

| Right | November 11, 2011

(A female customer is looking at the perfume display.)

Customer: “Excuse me, it says that this smaller bottle of [brand] perfume is the same price as this larger bottle of [brand] perfume. But they are the same product.”

Me: “Actually, this larger one is men’s cologne and this smaller one is women’s perfume.”

Customer: “No, no, they’re both for women. You’re looking at the wrong one.”

Me: “No, ma’am, if you look right here, this larger one says ‘por homme’ on it. That means ‘for men’.”

Customer: “No, they’re both for women. See how this one is light blue? That means for girls.”

Me: *giving up* “My mistake, ma’am.”

(On the bright side, the next time she came in, she smelled like a man.)


This story is part of our Fragrance roundup!

Read the next Fragrance roundup story!

Read the Fragrance roundup!

Wait ‘Til You Hear ‘Bout Our Latest Pro-mo

| Right | November 11, 2011

(Two obviously gay men are ordering concessions. I successfully upsell their purchase to a large popcorn.)

Customer: *jokingly* “Wow you’re quite a salesman!”

Coworker: “Yeah, he can sell stink to a hobo!”

Customer: *laughs*

Customer’s Partner: *completely mortified*

Customer: *to his partner* “No, no, he said HOBO!”