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Don’t Mess With Gamer Chicks

| Right | November 16, 2011

(A very busty, bubbly young woman comes in to buy a pre-owned copy of Resident Evil 4.)

Woman: “My stupid ex-boyfriend took all my games when he moved out! He doesn’t even like Resident Evil!”

Me: “Wow, that sucks.”

Woman: “It’s fine. I hooked up with his brother. I don’t start s***, I end it. Mess with my games and it is ON.”

Me: *laughing*

(I ended up giving her a discount.)

It’s Complicated (Payment, That Is)

| Romantic | November 15, 2011

(I work in a deli making sandwiches to order. I’ve just finished making sandwiches for a young couple.)

Me: “Are you guys together?”

Male customer: “Um…well…we’ve been seeing each other for a while, like a few weeks…I don’t know if we’d say we’re together…I don’t think–”

Female customer: “Yes, we are.” *turns to him* “She just wanted to know if we were paying together!”

Obviously Oblivious

| Romantic | November 15, 2011

(My university has this beautiful old tree on campus called The Century Tree that couples traditionally get engaged under. While killing time waiting for my boyfriend one night, I am walking by it with some of my friends and see that there are a bunch of guys in a saber arch and a crowd gathered.)

Me: “Oh, look! Somebody’s getting proposed to! [Friend #1], do you want to go watch? I know you’ve never seen one before.”

Friend #1: “Sure, let’s go stalk them.”

Friend #2: “Come on, let’s get a good viewpoint.”

(All of my friends start walking right up the middle of the plaza where the girl being proposed to usually walks.)

Me: “You guys, get out of the way!”

(I attempt to hide behind one of my friends.)

Friend #3: “Dude, it’s fine.”

Me: “No, she’s going to show up any second and we are directly in the way! Go over there and sit down or something! God, this is embarrassing! Everyone’s looking at us!”

Friend #2, to me: “Get out from behind me!”

Me: “Oh god, you guys, seriously…”

(Finally, [Friend #3] gives up.)

Friend #3, to me: “WILL YOU JUST PLEASE LOOK RIGHT THERE!”

(He points to the tree. I look over and see my boyfriend standing there. He’s wearing his nicest uniform and looking completely confused.)

Me: *light bulb goes on* “Ooooooh!”

(Later, my new fiancé confessed that he had a mild panic attack when I attempted to hide behind one of my friends. I am the most oblivious person on the planet.)

Legging Yourself Out Of A Hole

| Romantic | November 15, 2011

(I am getting out of the shower, and my fiancé is combing his hair in front of the mirror.)

Me: “Ugh, it takes so long to shave my legs!”

Fiancé: “Yeah, you’ve got a lot of area to cover.”

Me: “…”

Fiancé: *panicked look* “I mean…your legs are big! I mean…long! You know what I mean!” *runs out of bathroom*

Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 5

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2011

(This takes place a few months before I leave for college. A lot of the kids working at the store are leaving for college soon, too. One of my coworkers has written, “Tips for college kids,” on the tip jar. A young mother walks in with her kids on a slow afternoon. After she reads the tip jar, this exchange happens.)

Customer: “Tips for college kids… I have a good tip. Stay away from tequila.”

Me: “Why’s that, ma’am?”

Customer: “I went through a lot of margaritas my freshman year. Now I can’t even look at tequila without feeling sick. Just stay away from it!”

Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. I’ll stick to vodka.”

(And yes, she did leave a nice tip!)


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