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Floats Like A Baggins, Stings Like A Gamgee

| Related | March 7, 2012

(I am flicking through the TV channels with my Mum.)

Me: “Hey, mum. Lord Of The Rings is on! Want to watch it?”

Mum: “No, you know I don’t like films about boxing.”

A Very Dim Sum

, | Related | March 7, 2012

(I am a British-born Chinese. While I can speak basic Cantonese, I can not read it. I am visiting family in Hong Kong and meet my old grandmother in a small dim-sum restaurant. The menu is entirely written in Cantonese.)

Me: “Grandma, you order. I can’t read the menu.”

Grandma: “I’ve forgotten my glasses. I can’t read it either.”

Me: “What will we do?”

Grandma: “Just order tea for now. Your aunt should be along in a minute. She can order for us.”

(We order tea and wait for my aunt, who is being very tardy. The waiting staff are getting frustrated and come over to complain.)

Waiter: “Why are you not ordering? You’ve just been sitting here for 15 minutes drinking tea!”

(Finally, my aunt comes in.)

Aunt: “What is happening here? Why haven’t you ordered?”

Me: *loudly, and truthfully* “Because Grandma can’t see, and I can’t read!”

(My aunt bursts into laughter and tells the waiter that her family are ‘special’.)


This story is part of the Visiting Relatives roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Cringeworthy Stories About Embarrassing Parents

 

Read the next Visiting Relatives roundup story!

Read the Visiting Relatives roundup!

Missing The Y In DIY

| Right | March 7, 2012

(I work at the returns desk of a big-box home-improvement store. A customer is bringing back a pesticide/weed killer sprayer.)

Me: “Hello, did you have a problem with the sprayer?”

Customer: “Yes! It won’t work. It keeps clogging up. This is the second sprayer I’ve brought in, and I haven’t even finished my deck!”

Me: “What type of spray are you using in the sprayer?”

Customer: “I’m using the deck stain listed on the receipt there.”

Me: “There’s your problem: this sprayer won’t work for deck stain.”

Customer: “What?! What do you mean?! That’s not what I was told! I was told this would work just fine!”

Me: “Who told you that it was okay to use a pesticide sprayer for deck stain?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know his name, but he looks…um…he works here, okay?”

(I start the returns process on the register I’m at.)

Customer: “So, what would you recommend to stain my deck?”

Me: “I’d go right over to aisle 5 and look at the paint sprayers.”

Customer: “But those are so expensive! I can’t afford one of those.”

Me: “Well, you could always buy a brush and do it the old-fashioned way.”

Customer: “But that’s work!”

It’ll Click Eventually

| Right | March 7, 2012

Me: “Welcome to the IT service desk. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m trying to click on the power button, but for some reason it’s not working.”

Me: “The power button?”

Customer: “Yeah, you know, the one on the bottom right of the screen, with the green light? I’d have thought the help desk would know what a power button is.”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you don’t actually click on the power button. It’s a physical object and needs to be pressed with your finger.”

Customer: *slight pause* “I don’t get it. I’ll go back and try again…”

Pudding The P In Peculiar

| Right | March 7, 2012

Me: “Would you like a bag for your items?”

Customer: “I want pudding.”

(We’re a party store famous for giving out free popcorn, so I offer him popcorn instead.)

Me: “I don’t have any pudding, but I can give you some free popcorn.”

Customer: “Not good enough.”

Me: “They both start with ‘P’.”

Customer: “Nope!” *walks away with items in hand*