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Will That Be Paper Or Plastic

, | Right | August 31, 2011

Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger and a bottle of water?”

Me: “Yes, that’s $3.70, please.”

(The customer holds out five napkins and starts counting them. He then hands them to me as payment.)

Me: “Sorry, do you have $3.70?”

Customer: *points at napkins* “Yea, there! Look!”

Me: “Those are not money. Do you have any money to pay?”

Customer: “Yeah! I’m paying with napkins!”

Coworker: “Sorry, we only take money…”

(Eventually, security had to come and him (and his napkins) away from the tills.)

Full Of Soda And Fury, Signifying Nothing

| Right | August 31, 2011

(I work at a fast food restaurant in a food court in a mall. Our kid meals come in “to go” bags, regardless if the order is to go, or not. A mother comes up to my register and orders two kids meals bags to go.)

Me: “Here is your order. Do you want any sauces or ketchup?”

Customer: “I said I wanted this to go.”

(I look down at her order a bit confused.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you want a cup carrier for the drinks?”

Customer: “No, stupid! I want to have a to go bag for my food.”

Me: “But your food is in bags.”

Customer: “Just give me a d*** bag.”

(I give the mother two of our biggest bags which are the same size as the kids meal bags.)

Customer: “I only need one!”

(The customer shoves the two kids meals into the one bag and crams the drinks in as well. To top it off, she rolls the tops of the bag down, further crushing the drinks. Then, she shoves the entire mess into her large purse.)

Customer: “See! Look how much of an idiot you are!”

(She walks away in a huff, with her purse dripping soda behind her.)

Self-Fulfilling Animosity

, | Right | August 31, 2011

(The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

Me: “$22.”

Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

And I Live On Mt. Soh-Cah-Doh-ah

| Right | August 31, 2011

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [store], my name is Asia. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Asia! Like the country?”

Me: “It’s a continent.”

Customer: “Oh! I never was that good at geometry!”

Every Bird And Bee’s Worst Nightmare

| Right | August 31, 2011

(I’m serving a woman in an aisle when her daughter, about 3 or 4 years old, shows up behind me. She’s been hiding in the next aisle over and I’ve thus far been unaware of her presence.)

Me: “Oh! Hi, sweetie! Where did you come from?”

(She pauses and looks at me like I’m stupid.)

Girl: “Mummy’s vagina?”