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The Devil Is In The Pre-Sales

, , , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m working at the hotel on Christmas Day.)

Customer: *to husband* “See that girl there? She must be one of those devil worshipers! Why else would she be here on the day of Christ’s birth?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Who do you worship? Why are you working on Christmas? You worship the devil!”

Me: “Actually, I’m working because I don’t have any children. A lot of the other employees do so they’re home with their families.”

Customer: “Who do you worship?”

Me: “I’m a Christian.”

Customer: “DO NOT LIE! GOD WILL STRIKE YOU! GOD KNOWS ALL!”

Husband: *laughing* “Yes, just like Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.”

Customer: “Santa has NOTHING to do with Christ. You’ll offend them both!”

Backwards Thinking

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I am dispensing new glasses to a customer.)

Me: “Okay, now take a look around the store. Is your distance coming in clearly?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s backward.”

Me: “Backward? What do you mean?”

Customer: “The sign… the letters on it are backward.”

Me: “Which sign?”

Customer: “The one in between the frames.”

(The customer then turns around and looks out into the store.)

Customer: “Now the sign looks right, but when I look this way…” *turns back around to face me* “…it’s backward. This has never happened before! What’s wrong with my glasses?”

Me: “Ma’am, are you looking in the mirror behind me?”

Customer: “Oh! That must be it! Well, then, my glasses are working wonderfully. Thank you!”


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Welcome To B.C. Bookstores

, , , , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m ringing up a young couple for a video game. The girlfriend asks about the game and the boyfriend describes it to her.)

Boyfriend: “[In the game] you’re one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Girlfriend: “Which one?”

Boyfriend: “War.”

Girlfriend: “Who are the others?”

Boyfriend: “Famine, Pestilence, and Plague.”

Girlfriend: “Who makes this s*** up?!”


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The Customer Is Always Right (And Regular)

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I just called and made an order for delivery, but please tell the driver to wait. I have to go have bowel movements.”

Coworker: “Um, sure thing, ma’am.”

(About ten minutes go by…)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Same Caller: “You can tell the driver he can bring my food to me now. I’m done with my bowel movements.”


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Craz-E

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Me: *on the drive-thru intercom* “Welcome to [Coffee Company]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I need an ‘E.’”

(The customer immediately pulls away from the intercom.)

Me: “What the heck’s an ‘E’?”

Coworker: “Oh, that’s for [Famous Lawyer]. I don’t remember exactly what it is, but he always expects us to know it. He won’t explain it if you ask. Try a [incredibly complicated drink].”

(The customer refuses to make small talk, and we notice him dump his coffee out his car window as he drives away.)

Coworker: “We must not have got it right. He’ll try the location down the street next.”


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