All of our stories, starting with the newest!
Me: “Hi there, sir, can I find you a size in those jeans?”
Customer: “Yeah, but I’m not sure what size I am.”
Me: “Oh, well–”
Customer: “Wait, I can check!”
(The customer undoes his pants and pulls them down to his knees.)
Customer: “Check! Find the tag! I don’t know where it is; find my size!”
This story is part of our Need For Hazard Pay roundup!
Read the next Need For Hazard Pay roundup story!
Read the Need For Hazard Pay roundup!
Me: “Hello, may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if every creature you have a statue of is actually living?”
Me: “Yes, sir, everything you see in here you can find somewhere in the wilderness.”
Customer: “Then why do you have a beaver?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “You heard me. If everything in here is actually a living creature then why do you have beavers?”
Me: “Well, sir, beavers are living creatures. Haven’t you ever seen one in the pond down the road?”
Customer: “What? Beavers are real? My whole life I thought they were mythical creatures.”
(The customer walked away, looking lost and confused.)
This story is part of our “Not Getting Art” Roundup!
Read the next “Not Getting Art” story!
Read the “Not Getting Art” roundup!
Me: “Good morning. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I need an adapter.”
Me: “Okay, ma’am, what kind of adapter?”
Customer: “You mean there’s more than one?”
This story is part of our Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup!
Read the next Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup story!
Read the Terrible Tech Support Calls roundup!
Me: “Do you have your rewards card with you, sir?”
Customer: “Uh, no, I don’t. Do I not get a discount?”
Me: “Of course you still can! What’s your phone number?”
Customer: “How old are you?”
Me: “Seventeen.”
Customer: “You’re not even legal! I can’t do that.”
Me: “Uh, no, sir. I need it to look up for your discount.”
Customer: “Oh…” *tells me his phone number* “…but don’t call me after 5. That’s when my wife gets home.”
(An couple in their 50s enter the store with a laptop.)
Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”
Husband: “Well, my laptop won’t turn on. It just goes to a black screen.”
Me: “Okay, sir, we can have the technicians do a diagnostic to figure out what the problem is.”
Husband: “I also think I might have left a disc in the DVD drive.”
Me: “Oh, no problem. I’ll show you how to manually eject the disc before you leave so you can take it home.”
(I grab a paperclip and manually eject the disc. The disc in the drive is a p*rn DVD. Immediately, the husband snatches it out of the tray and stuffs it into his pocket.)
Husband: *mumbles* “That’s not the disc I thought it was.”
Wife: *silently fuming*
