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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole, Part 4

, , , , | Right | July 12, 2008

(As I’m ringing this woman’s vitamins up, I notice that she’s staring at my stomach. I pause and look up at her.)

Customer: “When’s the baby coming?”

Me: “What baby?”

Customer: “Are you expecting?”

Me: “Um, no. I’m not pregnant.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I just asked because I used to be chubby like you when I was your age.”

Me: “Um… what?”

Customer: “Well, I was gonna say, you’re too young to be pregnant!”

Me: “I think you’d better quit while you’re ahead.”

Who’s Got The Power Now

, , , , | Right | July 11, 2008

Me: “How can I help you?”

Irate Caller: “Yes, I just purchased one of your wireless routers and your stupid tech support in India just told me I have to plug it into an outlet.”

Me: “Uh… yes, ma’am. It needs to be plugged into an outlet to get electrical power.”

Irate Caller: “I purchased a WIRELESS router, so it shouldn’t require wires! Doesn’t it use batteries or something?”

Me: “No, ma’am, ‘wireless’ means you don’t need wires between the computer and the router.”

Irate Caller: “Wireless means WIRE-LESS! If this thing has to be plugged in with a wire, I want a full refund!”

Me: “If the product isn’t what you expected, I suggest you return the device to your local retailer.”

Irate Caller: “NO! That’s not good enough! They won’t take it back because it’s been opened! I want you to give me a refund!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t provide refunds unless a product’s functionality is grossly mis-advertised. You need to speak to–”

Irate Caller: “NO! You’ll give me a refund right now, you f****** son of a b****, and you’ll do it right f****** now!”

Me: “Ma’am, throwing a temper tantrum like a five-year-old is not going to get you something that we’re incapable of giving you.”

Irate Caller: “You can’t speak to me like that! Transfer me to your manager at once!”

Me: “No.”

Irate Caller: “What?”

(Contrary to popular belief, most companies don’t REQUIRE techs to transfer to supervisors simply because they’re told to by a customer).

Me: “I said no. I will not transfer you to my supervisor. This is a non-escalatable issue.”

Irate Caller: “But you have to!”

Me: “No, I really don’t, and since you already blasted me with profanity, technically, I could have disconnected the call already.”

Irate Caller: “Well, I’m sorry… Can I have my refund now?”

Me: “I told you, I can’t give you a refund for this product. You need to contact your retailer.”

Irate Caller: “F*** you! You f****** r****ds are ripping me the f*** off! F*** you!”

Me: “Thank you for contacting tech support and have a nice day!”

Irate Caller: “Wait! I’m sorry!”

Me: *click*


This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup!

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Even Customers Have A Stupid Quota

, , , | Right | July 11, 2008

Customer: “What time is tax assistance here?”

Me: “They are here on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 12 to 2 o’clock.”

Customer: “Okay, so they’re here Tuesday through Thursday, from 12 to 2 o’clock?”

Me: “No, sir, only on Tuesday and Thursday.”

Customer: “Okay, Tuesday and Thursday, all day long?”

Me: “No, sir, only from noon until 2.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that they are here from noon to 2?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And that’s on Mondays and Tuesdays?”

Me: “No, sir… ”

(Before I can say anything further, the person behind him explodes…)

Another Customer: “It’s here on Tuesday and Thursday from 12 to 2! I don’t even know what the @#$% you are asking about, but I’ve figured out what time it happens! What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

Customer: *slinks away*

Singleminded Surcharge

, , | Right | July 11, 2008

(I work in an electrical department. At this time, a woman is looking at a light display.)

Me: “Are you finding everything alright?”

Customer: “Yes. Where is this?”

(I lead her to the box, on an end cap. It’s a two-fixtures-for-the-price-of-one thing.)

Customer: “Oh, there’s two in there…”

Me: “Yes. But the price is the same as on the display, so you get an extra for spare parts or whatever.”

Customer: “Well, I only want one!”

Me: “You can always just sell the spare on a garage sale or something. Or if you’re like me, you might break the glass someday and so you’ll have a spare.”

Customer: “I only want one!”

Me: “…”

(The customer proceeded to pick out a nearly-identical looking fixture that was about three times the price–all because she only wanted one.)

Neverending Query

, , , | Right | July 10, 2008

(The phone rings at 11 pm, although our restaurant has been closed since 10 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Why are you answering the phone?”

Me: “I have to. Even though we’re closed, we still might get important phone calls.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand. Why are you closed?”

Me: “We have regular business hours to follow, and on weekdays we’re only open till 10 pm.”

Customer: “But I don’t understand… Why are you answering the phone if you’re closed, then?”

Me: *face desk*

(It went in circles like that for about ten minutes. I finally got tired of her ‘why’ questions and it had really had been a horrible night… so, I hung up the phone.)

Me: *to other employees* “You wouldn’t believe this lady…”

*phone rings*

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “So, why are you still answering the phone if you’re closed?”

Me: *multiple face desks*


This story is part of the Closing Time roundup!

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