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When Non-Stick Causes Friction

, , , , , | Right | July 27, 2010

(A customer approaches me with a pan from one of our non-stick cookware sets.)

Customer: “I need some pots and pans for our new house. However, I’ve heard this Teflon coating can release toxic chemicals into your food.”

Me: “Actually, our vendors did away with Teflon years ago and now use a new, much safer variety of non-stick. What you’re holding, in fact, would really only present a problem if you were to deliberately damage the cooking surface, say, by going at it with a hammer and chisel.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I’ll take two sets then.”

(Several days pass, and the customer comes back and dumps everything he’s bought on my counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I know this isn’t really your fault, but I tried using these and the food tastes really funny–like there are still chemicals being leaked into it. I think you’ve been told some dirty lies by your vendors.”

(I take several of the pans out, and find they all have now have either a small ‘D’ or ‘M’ burned into their cooking surface.)

Me: “What happened to these?”

Customer: “Nothing. My family is insistent that we only use one set of pans dairy and the other set for meat so I made sure to label which were which.”

Me: “Didn’t you hear what I said about damaging the cooking surface?”

Customer: “You said that would only be dangerous if I used a hammer and chisel. So I took them to my jewelry store and did it with a laser engraver instead.”

H2Slow, Part 2

, , , | Right | July 27, 2010

(I’m watering plants in my aisle when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Are these real?”

Me: “Yes, they are.” * continues pouring water*

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “I’m watering them, miss.”

Customer: “Doesn’t mean they’re real.”


This story is part of our Water roundup!

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Ah, Mothers, Part 5

, , , | Right | July 26, 2010

Me: “Your vehicle is a total loss.”

Customer: “My vehicle is in great condition!”

Me: “It’s fourteen years old and it costs more to repair your vehicle than it’s worth.”

Customer: “Well, my son is fourteen years old and he’s not falling apart!”


This story is part of the Auto-Shop roundup!

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D as in Duh

, , , , | Right | July 26, 2010

Me: “This computer’s serial number is five, two, Bravo, Delta–”

Customer: “Whoa, hold up! I’m a civilian, I don’t do that military lingo. Try that again.”

Me: “Okay, it’s five, two, B, D–”

Customer: “Wait, was that two B’s?”

Me: “No, that’s Bravo, Delta.”

Customer: “I’m not in the military! Speak English!”

Me: “B as in Bravo. D as in Delta.”

Customer: “There, was that so hard?”


This story is part of the Bad With English roundup!

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The Price Of Laziness

, , , , | Right | July 26, 2010

Customer: “My phone doesn’t work. It has dial sound only!”

Me: “Okay, what I need you to do is to reset your phone by disconnecting it from the power and try the main phone connection.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have time to do that. You have to send out a serviceman and fix this now!”

Me: “Yes, of course we can do that. However, if the serviceman discovers that the problem is related to your phone or cables, you will have to pay for the service which is 1875NOK (around $290 USD).”

Customer: “What did you say that I had to do first?”


This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

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