(On the first day of my 10th grade physics class, the teacher is giving us a rundown of our course material and his style of teaching. At one point he holds something up high in his hand.)

Teacher: “Which way does gravity go?”

(We all look at each other, suspecting a trick question.)

A Few Students: “Down?”

(The teacher drops what’s in his hand, which turns out to be a metal weight. It hits the black lab table with a very loud BANG! Everyone is startled and now alert. He raises the weight again.)

Teacher: “Which way does gravity go?”

Most Of The Class: “Down?”

(He drops the weight again with another BANG!)

Teacher: “WHICH way does gravity go?”

Whole Class: “DOWN!”

(He drops the weight again anyway.)

Teacher: “Excellent! Now I know sometimes it’s hard to stay focused in class, but if I ever catch a student falling asleep at their table, they’re going to get a reminder in the lesson of gravity! Got it?”

(A student walks in to our shop. It’s part of an assignment for a class for the students to gather information about different university services.)

Student: “And what are the top three services that you provide?”

Technician: “Probably getting onto the campuses network, hardware replacement, and virus/malware removal.”

Student: “Okay, hardware… and how do you spell… malware?”

Technician: “M-A-L-W-A-R-E.”

Student: “And you replace that for people?”

Technician: “No, we perform virus and malware removal.”

Student: “Yeah, so getting on the network, removing hardware and virus replacement, got it. Thanks.” *walks out*

Technician: *speechless*

(I have recently graduated from college and have been sent back to the area for work, so I visit a former professor and good friend of mine. I was notorious for giving her a hard time in class by joking around while still being ‘right.’ She’s asked me to talk to one of her classes that take everything too seriously about the ‘real world.’ It is a while into the talk…)

Student #1: “So [Professor] tells us that you were a major a** while you were a student.”

Student #2: “YOU IDIOT! YOU DON’T SAY THAT!”

Professor: “Oh, don’t worry; he knows it. He’s quite proud of it.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s not news. When I graduated I even gave her a note saying ‘Sorry for being such a smart-a**.'”

Student #1: “How do you be a smart-a** in discrete algebra? It’s all straight forward logic!”

Me: “If you want to become a good developer, you need to learn how to be flexible. Think with the same logic, get the same outcome, but do it a different way. For instance: you have two piles of matches, each with the same amount of matches, and you could only take matches from a single pile. Then I would be given the chance to do the same; how do you guarantee that you get the last match?”

(The entire class tells me the ‘right answer,’ which is to go second and to copy everything I do, but on the second pile.)

Me: “That’s one way. I took all the matches from a pile and set the other one on fire.”

Professor: “And that’s why this smart-a** has a job while the rest of his class is still looking for one.”

(I’m super excited because a TV show I like is starting a new season, and a new video game I’ve been waiting for comes out on the same day. Unfortunately, I find out I have to work the day both come out.)

Me: “I’m sad!”

Boyfriend: “Aw, talk to me.”

Me: “The new season of TMNT, and Pokémon X come out the same day! But I have to work! I won’t be able to get the game until Monday!”

(I don’t hear anything from him for a while, so I shrug it off and go back to my own thing. About 30 minutes later, I hear a ding and see I have a text from him.)

Boyfriend: “You need to play the tune of ‘Drive By’ by Train in your head for this.”

‘On the other side of a gym I knew,
Stood a girl who looked like you but,
I guess that’s deja vu,
I thought ‘This can’t be true’ cuz
You moved to West Kanto
Or Johto or Sinnoh or
Wherever to be the very best.

Oh but that one fight,
I used my Dragonite,
I didn’t beat you,
Cuz you had one too.

Oh I was overwhelmed,
And frankly scared as h***,
Because you had a dragon too.

Oh I swear to you,
I’ll be there for you,
Once I get my Fai-ai-ary type!

Just a sly guy
Looking for a Mawile
So I can beat your Dra-a-agonite!’

Me: “Holy crap!”

Boyfriend: “That. Just. Happened.”

Me: “Where did you find that?”

Boyfriend: “I just wrote it.”

Me: “…but, you don’t know anything about Pokémon, or are you secretly a poke-fan?”

Boyfriend: “Duh, I wrote it for you. I had to look up all that stuff, and that’s what took me a while.”

Me: *in awe* “This is how a guy gets out of the ‘friend-zone.'”

Boyfriend: “Aw yeah! My Beedrill is the Beedrill that pierces the ‘friend-zone.'”

(We are on the way home after setting off some Fourth of July fireworks.)

Boyfriend: “You know, during the finale, I saw your brother and his girlfriend being all cuddly, and I wished I had someone to be romantic with and watch fireworks—”

Me: “What am I?”

Boyfriend: “You didn’t let me finish. After I the fireworks ended, I realized you were around and that I am an idiot.”