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Someone Seriously Needs A Time-Out

, , , | Right | August 8, 2008

(I was in line at a Texas-style BBQ restaurant that serves you counter-style. A Wall Street-type dressed in a very expensive designer business suit is two people ahead of me.)

Counter Guy: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I need two pounds of moist brisket, wrapped up to go.”

Counter Guy: “Sorry, we just ran out.”

Customer: *slams fist on counter* “AAGGHH, F***! What the f***?!”

Counter Guy: “Um… I’m sorry sir. We still have plenty of the lean brisket.”

Customer: “I don’t want the f***ing lean brisket. I came all the way here for the moist. I can’t f***ing believe this s***! What the f***?”

Counter Guy: “Sir…”

Customer: “Ahh, s***! I can’t believe I came all the way the f*** up here for this s***. Of course you’re out! Why wouldn’t you f***ing have the moist? Ahh!”

Counter Guy: “Sir, really, we have the lean and it’s still very good.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the lean. I came for the moist. S***! This f***ing sucks!”

Counter Guy: “C’mon, sir, just try the lean. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Customer: “No, I won’t! I want the moist. How the f*** can you be out? F***!”

Counter Guy: *offers a free sample of lean brisket* “I’ll give you some to try. Please, sir, just try it.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll try the d*** lean!”

(He takes a bite.)

Customer: *completely calm* “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not bad at all. I’ll take two pounds to go, please.”


This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

Read the next Customers-Overreacting roundup story!

Read the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

Crimes of Opportunity

, , , | Right | August 8, 2008

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Young Customer: “My wireless connection isn’t working. Can you take a look at it?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I get his laptop set-up and test the wireless. It picks up the store wireless with no problem.)

Me: “Well, pal, it looks like your laptop is working just fine. It’s possible that it could be your router that’s the problem.”

Young Customer: “I don’t have a router. I was just using a neighbor’s. They left and all the other signals are weak or locked.”

Me: “Then there is not a lot I can do for you, pal.”

Young Customer: “Can’t you sell me a new wireless card so I can get a better signal?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, but that’s illegal. It’s considered theft of services to use someone’s connection without their permission.”

Young Customer: “No, it’s not. If they didn’t want people using it, they would lock it.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it is illegal. If I was to steal your car because you left it unlocked and got caught, I would still go to jail.”

Young Customer: “That’s different.”

Me: *sigh* “Sure it is. You have a nice day.”

Young Customer: *storms off*

What Goes Around Comes Around

, , , , | Right | August 8, 2008

Me: “Reference Desk, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I have been waiting for a book for months, and it’s overdue.”

Me: “Okay, I can put it on hold for you and that will trigger our system to call the person who has it out.”

Caller: “I can’t believe that you let people do this. It’s so rude! Don’t people understand that maybe someone else might be waiting to read that book?”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand. Could you please tell me your name and the title of the book?”

Caller: *tells me her name and the book title*

(I type in her name, click “Place Hold” and enter the title. An error message pops up: “Cannot place hold. This title is already checked out to this patron.”)

Me: “Ma’am… there seems to be a problem. I can’t place the book on hold for you because you are the one who has it checked out.”

Caller: “What? WHAT?! That is impossible! How could that be? I never checked that book out!”

Me: “Well, it’s out on your card, and it’s quite overdue. I’m going to have to ask you to return it because there are people waiting to read it.”

A Little Bit Too Specific

, , , | Right | August 7, 2008

Customer: “Hi, you know your stock pretty well, right?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “My wife is divorcing me, but her birthday is next week. I need a card for that.”

Me: “…I don’t think they really make a card for that occasion.”

Now You Know How We Feel

, , | Right | August 7, 2008

(It’s Sunday and I’m dressed up because I just came from church. I’m shopping at the local bed and bath store.)

Customer: “Excuse me? Where are the curtain rods?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Excuse me?!”

Me: “I don’t work here, ma’am, so I don’t know where the curtain rods are. I can help you find someone who does, though.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable. Show me where the curtain rods are.”

Me: “I hate to break this to you, but I really don’t work here. I think there is a help desk over there, though.”

Customer: *calls husband over* “Can you set her straight? I’m trying to find curtain rods and she refuses to help me!”

Husband: “Look, you are getting paid far too much money to be screwing around! Now, my wife asked you something very simple. She cannot seem to find the curtain rods. Show us where they are, or we will call your manager.”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry, but I don’t work here. I don’t know where they are.”

Husband: “I can tell a worker when I see one. No one but workers wears suits.”

Me: “I wear them for church, sir.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Yes, I’m wearing a suit because I just came from church with my family. I’m sorry I can’t help you.”

Customer: “I hate this store.”

Husband: “I know, honey, I know. Let’s just go. We can get curtain rods online!”

(I feel so sorry for the people who actually work here.)