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A Rose By Any Other Name

, | Right | December 8, 2007

(A customer comes to the bakery and asks me if we sell some ointment.)

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t sell that here.”

Customer: “Where can I get it?”

Me: “I would suggest one of the local pharmacies.” *I name a few, including B & J’s Pharmacy*

Customer: “Is B & J’s Pharmacy…a pharmacy?”

Me: “Yes…”

The Proud And Stupid

, | Right | December 7, 2007

(This one came from my manager. A customer called Target and asked about a jacket that was on sale.)

Customer (very snooty): “Hello, I would like to know if you have any Corbin Wells jackets in stock.”

My Manager: “Corbin Wells? I don’t think we sell that brand.”

Customer (getting angry): “Well, it’s on page ten in your ad!”

My Manager: “Let me see.” *she turns to page ten* “Ma’am, page ten is electronics.”

Customer (extremely angry): “You DO have the ad in front of you, don’t you?”

My manager: “Yes, I have the TARGET ad in front of me.”

Customer: “Oh, Target? That’s not the ad I’m looking at.”

My manager: “What ad are you looking at, ma’am?”

Customer (still snooty): “Kohl’s.” *click*

Underwater Basketweaving, B.A.

, , | Right | December 7, 2007

Customer: “Can I have a banana?”

Me: “Sure.” *I ring her up and give her a banana*

Customer: “Uh, actually… could I have a more ripe banana?”

(I hand her a very yellow banana with faint spots on it.)

Customer: “No, no, a RIPER banana. Like, a greener one.”

(I stare at her for a second, get a greener banana, and watch her walk away wondering how she got into college.)

On The Need For Consumer IQ Requirements

, | Right | December 7, 2007

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this gas cooker…”

Me: “Sure, what’s the problem with it, madam?”

Customer: “The picture on the front of the box shows meat, although when I opened the box there was no meat inside…”

Me: *In astonishment* “Okay, I’ll just go and get my manager…”

You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy

, , | Right | December 6, 2007

Customer: “I need a door.”

Me: “What kind of door?”

Customer: “You’re the professional!”

Me: “…”

Me: “Where are you going while passing through this door, and where are you leaving?”

Customer: “Garage from the kitchen.”

Me: “Great, and what size is the door that’s there now?”

Customer: “They make them in different sizes?”


This story is part of the Home Improvement roundup!

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This story is part of the Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup!

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