(We have a very strict policy: there are only discounts on things that are marked as such by a corporate mandate, and that’s it. I’m the only register open.)

Customer: “Hi there, I noticed this lamp has some markings on it; does it get some sort of damage discount?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; everything is priced as marked. It’s not something I or even the manager can change.”

Customer: “Really? That’s lousy, but okay.”

(The customer leaves, and comes back with a new lamp.)

Customer: “I’ve got a question for you. Is it alright if I use your employee discount?”

Me: “…I’m sorry, sir; I’m not allowed to use my discount while I’m on duty.”

Customer: “What if I told you I’m related to Barack Obama? Would you give me a discount then?”

Me: “No, you would still have to pay full price.”

Customer: “You’re telling me the President of these United States of America can’t even get a discount?!”

Me: “I’m afraid [store] views everyone as equals, so no.”

(I work the front counter of the repair center. The customer coming to get her car is notorious for trying every trick in the book to not pay for repairs. Because she’s such a problem, she always gets a VERY generous discount.)

Me: “Okay, Mrs. [Name], that will be $150 today for installation and the interior detail.”

Customer: “I was only supposed to pay for a part. I’m only giving you $50.”

Me: “Unfortunately, you have to pay for the installation of the part, the taxes, and also your detail. How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “How would you like to pay? Cash, check, or charge?”

Customer: “What? What are you saying?!”

Me: “I’m saying you have to pay me.”

Customer:“WHAT? I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!”

Me: “Well—”

Customer: “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

(I scream right back at her.)

Me: “HOW ARE YOU PAYING YOUR $150!? I HAVE YOUR KEYS AND YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING THEM UNTIL I GET PAYMENT!”

Customer: “…Do you take Visa?”

(I’m an overweight woman who has always struggled with weight due to a non-functioning thyroid. I struggle to find a store that caters to larger brides until I find this one, so I go to see what they have. There’s a large woman (probably about 5’5 and 350-380 pounds) on the stage in the center of the room having a fitting done. I’m browsing the catalogs when I hear an exchange between a daughter and her mother and the manager. The daughter is a thin girl who appears spoiled with how she talks. The daughter is staring at the larger woman on the stage, and leans in to her mother.)

Daughter: “I can’t believe someone like her is actually getting married!”

Mother: “I didn’t think whales mated for life!”

(The bride-to-be has clearly heard the comments and is looking devastated. She takes a step away from the manager who is doing the fitting, but the manager stops her and walks up to the mother and daughter.)

Manager: “I can’t believe you think you’re going to get a dress from my store.”

Daughter: “Well, joke’s on you, then, because I’m actually here to pick it up! Besides, I’ve already paid.”

Manager: “Oh, you’re picking up your order? What’s the name?”

Mother: “It’s [Name].”

Manager: “All right…”

(The manager goes behind the counter, taps some things on the register, and then hands a receipt.)

Manager: “I need you to sign this.”

Mother: “What’s this?”

(The mother signs anyway.)

Manager: “That’s you signing that you have accepted a full refund for your purchase. You can find another store to get your dresses at. I just cancelled your order and am refusing you service. Now leave before I call the police.”

Daughter: “YOU CAN’T DO THIS! MY WEDDING IS IN NEXT WEEK! HOW DARE YOU!”

(The daughter starts throwing things around.)

Mother: “We had those dresses custom-made! How could you cancel her order?! Look at her!”

Manager: “I cancelled the order because I am not going to let any bride feel like she’s not worthy of marriage just because of her size. Clearly, you both feel that you are better than others, and I have no place for clients that are, frankly, a**-holes. I’m calling the police, and since I still have your card information, I’m going to charge you for whatever damages your daughter causes.”

(The manager picked up the phone. The mother grabbed her daughter and they rushed out of the door. I ended up buying my dress from them, and it was BEAUTIFUL! Turned out the manager had a daughter who had a severe thyroid disease and had struggled with weight as well!)

This story is part of the Wedding roundup!

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(Two freshmen are walking along the sidewalk at the university, when they notice there is a car in their way.)

Freshman #1: “Dude, there’s a car on the sidewalk; what the f***?”

Freshman #2: “Whoa. That’s just crazy. Seriously, you’d only see that in Madison.”

Freshman #1: “Right? I’ve never seen anything like it.”

(The car was parked in a driveway.)

(I am walking with my boyfriend. I am complaining because my shoes have given me blisters on both little toes.)

Me: “These shoes are rubbing so much, I think my toes are going to fall off!”

(My boyfriend looks at me for a moment and nods, as if deciding something.)

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “I wouldn’t break up with you if you didn’t have any toes. I mean, it’d be weird. I’d prefer that you did have some, but I wouldn’t break up with you if they did fall off.”

Me: “Well that’s… reassuring?”