(I am female and 14 at the time. My parents are in their late forties. My mom is out of town and there is a guest pastor at my parents’ church. He is talking to my dad.)

Pastor: “It’s lovely to meet you! And is this your wife?”

Me: *weirded out* “Oh no, I’m the daughter. Mom’s out of town!”

(We tell my mom and brothers afterward, share a few awkward chuckles, and think nothing more of it. My two brothers are 17 and 11 years old respectively. About a month later, the three of us are at a craft store in search of model paint.)

Me: “Hey, while you guys find the colors, I’m going to go look at the cross-stitch stuff.”

Older Brother: “Okay, we’ll find you when we’re done.”

(A few minutes later, multiple aisles away, I am approached by an employee.)

Employee: “Your sons are looking for you. Would you like me to show you where they are?”

Me: *blinking in bewilderment* “Uh. Sure?”

Employee: “Great! They’re right this way.”

(The employee leads me to a different section of the store, where I see my brothers looking around as if somewhat lost. The employee presents me cheerfully to them, and walks away.)

Me: “… so, apparently I gave birth before I existed! And again when I was three. To you guys. Go me?”

(The only explanation we could ever come up with was that, being on the swim team at the time, I had a slightly silver tint to my hair due to chlorine. I think I would have preferred the classic green!)

(One of my foster sisters has made me her daughter’s aunt, as we’ve stayed in touch and become close over the years. I sleep over her house and give my niece a bath before dressing her. Hours later, we’re driving.)

Me: “Wow, it’s Friday, isn’t it?”

Sister: “Uh, last time I checked.”

Me: “Figures.”

Sister: “Why?”

Me: “Well, I was trying to choose underwear for [Niece], and grabbed a pair that said ‘Friday,’ but I couldn’t remember if it was Friday, so I grabbed a different pair after a mental debate on the likelihood of anyone noticing it’s the wrong day.”

Sister: “Maybe it’s best you don’t have children.”

(I have a great-uncle who is a well-known sword-master, and is the lead sword-master for several big movies, including ‘Lord of the Rings.’ My fiancé and I are watching the first movie together.)

Me: “I think he was [Uncle’s] best pupil, if I remember rightly.”

Fiancé: *dubiously* “What… him?”

Me: “Yeah. No, not the orc! Him!”

Fiancé: “Oh, Aragorn!”

Me: “Yeah. Well, not literally Aragorn. If he’d trained Aragorn, he would have had about 500 more awesome points than he already had.”

(I’ve gotten a call back from a company I submitted my resume to. They leave a message asking me to call back and arrange an interview.)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling to schedule an interview for the position you were advertising.”

Receptionist: “Ah, yes you’ll be wanting to speak with [Name]. Just a moment…”

(I wait to be transferred, but instead the line goes dead. I call the company back.)

Me: “Hello, it’s [My Name]. I think we got disconnected.”

Receptionist: “Oh, well let me try that again.”

(I promptly hear the click of her hanging up and then nothing. I call back a third time, but this time the receptionist says…)

Receptionist: “Hey, umm, if I read the model of my desk phone off to you, do you think you could look it up online and find out how to transfer calls?”

(I’m a European exchange student celebrating my 18th birthday by shooting pool at a local bar in a small Nebraska town. Note that back home, you are considered an adult at age 18, not like 21 in the States.)

Me: “It’s my 18th birthday and today I could legally drink if I was back home. Imagine that!”

Bartender: “Happy birthday!”

Me: “I don’t suppose you dare sell me a single bottle of beer to celebrate?”

Bartender: “No can do.”

Me: “Yeah, wouldn’t want to get you in trouble. Well, I’ll just have one of those non-alcoholic beers then just for the taste.”

Bartender: “Sorry, but I can’t sell you that.”

Me: “What do you mean? It’s non-alcoholic.”

Bartender: “It’s still beer. We’re not allowed to sell beer to minors.”

Me: *speechless*