(I’ve gotten a call back from a company I submitted my resume to. They leave a message asking me to call back and arrange an interview.)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling to schedule an interview for the position you were advertising.”

Receptionist: “Ah, yes you’ll be wanting to speak with [Name]. Just a moment…”

(I wait to be transferred, but instead the line goes dead. I call the company back.)

Me: “Hello, it’s [My Name]. I think we got disconnected.”

Receptionist: “Oh, well let me try that again.”

(I promptly hear the click of her hanging up and then nothing. I call back a third time, but this time the receptionist says…)

Receptionist: “Hey, umm, if I read the model of my desk phone off to you, do you think you could look it up online and find out how to transfer calls?”

(I’m a European exchange student celebrating my 18th birthday by shooting pool at a local bar in a small Nebraska town. Note that back home, you are considered an adult at age 18, not like 21 in the States.)

Me: “It’s my 18th birthday and today I could legally drink if I was back home. Imagine that!”

Bartender: “Happy birthday!”

Me: “I don’t suppose you dare sell me a single bottle of beer to celebrate?”

Bartender: “No can do.”

Me: “Yeah, wouldn’t want to get you in trouble. Well, I’ll just have one of those non-alcoholic beers then just for the taste.”

Bartender: “Sorry, but I can’t sell you that.”

Me: “What do you mean? It’s non-alcoholic.”

Bartender: “It’s still beer. We’re not allowed to sell beer to minors.”

Me: *speechless*

(Ten people in middle management have been laid off and their jobs outsourced to an overseas office. The rest of us are understandably nervous about our jobs, so our boss calls a meeting.)

Boss: “The decision was made just five days ago, so there was no way to predict it.”

Me: “But we had been hearing there were people in the overseas office being trained for these positions two months ago.”

Boss: “They were for other positions, and they had to be re-tasked to the jobs of the people that just got fired.”

Me: “So, you miraculously had the exact number of people being trained for ‘other positions’ as the number of people who were fired yesterday?”

Boss: “Actually, we had more…”

(After seeing our shocked faces, our boss realises what he’s said.)

Boss: “…Well, that’s the situation. If you don’t like it, you know where the door is!”

New Hire: “Hey, want to see a cool picture of me?”

Me & Other Coworker: “Sure.”

(The new hire shows us a picture of his face obviously Photoshopped onto a very buff model.)

New Hire: “Isn’t that awesome?”

Coworker: “…Um, that’s not you.”

New Hire: “Yeah, it is.” *stands closer to us* “I’m working out for the Marines!” *shuffles away*

Me: “Did that just happen?”

(We found out he showed this picture to every employee. A few weeks later, he was fired for asking a female coworker too many times if she wanted to see his “buff bod.”)

(I’m currently working the front checkout and a man walks up to purchase his items, I scan all the items and bag them.)

Me: “That will be $19.86.”

Customer: “That’s way too much. You must have scanned it wrong.”

Me: “No, everything is there.”

(I then show him the screen so he can see.)

Customer: “That can’t be right. If that is $5.00, and that is $3.00—”

Me: “But it isn’t. They are $5.99 and $3.99—”

Customer: “Hold on! Let me show you.”

(The customer gets a pen and paper from my checkout and starts adding it up.)

Customer: “See, $5.00 plus $3.00 plus $7.00 equals $15.00. It’s showing up wrong.”

Me: “But it is $5.99, $3.99 and $7.99. It makes a difference.”

(By now, several other customers are waiting, so I pull out a calculator to show him.)

Me: “$5.99 plus $3.99 plus $7.99 plus sales tax comes out to $19.86.”

Customer: “Well, you NEVER mentioned SALES TAX!”

(The customer pays for the items and leaves. I begin helping the next customer in line.)

Next Customer: “Well, that was dumb.”