(I am ordering inside at a fast food restaurant. There aren’t many people inside but several cars lined up outside at the drive in and most burgers are sold out.)

Me: “I’ll have a [burger].”

Cashier #1: “All right, but I fear you’ll have to wait a bit. Those are out right now, and several other customers are waiting for one as well.”

Me: “That’s not a problem; I’ll just wait here.”

(I’ve waited for several minutes with my cashier constantly apologizing to me about it taking so long, when another customer stomps in and goes to the next register.)

Cashier #2: “Welcome, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a [same burger as me] and some fries.”

Cashier #2: “Yes, sir, I apologize in advance, but the burgers are out at the moment and you’ll need to wait a bit.”

Customer: “Hmph! You’d better hurry up. I’m paying good money for this.”

(After about two minutes of waiting, the customer starts to curse at the cashiers about being idiots and not working at all. This goes on for several more minutes until the first burger is done and my cashier starts to pack it up for me.)

Customer: “Oi, that’s my burger! Give it to me now!”

Cashier #1: “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but this lady here came in first and therefore it’s hers.”

Customer: “Stop talking nonsense! Give it to me!”

Cashier #2: “No, sir, that’s not your burger. We will give it to her.”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting for ages now. I demand you to give me my burger. NOW!”

Cashier #1: “But sir it’s—”

Me: “Ah, just give the burger to him. This poor bloke is probably starving since he lost all his manners already.”

Cashier #1: “Are you sure about this?”

Me: “Yep, absolutely. After waiting this long, a few more minutes won’t make it any worse.”

(The cashier gives the burger to the customer, who immediately retorts…)

Customer: “Why didn’t you give it to me faster, you idiots?!”

(I’ve had enough of the customer’s sour attitude and speak up.)

Me: “For one, because that actually was MY order and I was kind enough to let you have it. For another, in case you didn’t notice, there is a large line of cars outside waiting and the poor guy in the kitchen is all alone. So, stop being an a** and go eat your food which you needed so desperately!”

Customer: *storms out*

Cashier #1: “I’m really sorry that you have wait even longer because of him now.”

Me: “It’s all right. I don’t have anything to do anyway.”

(After another two minutes, Cashiers #1 and #2 pack my order and add an extra burger.)

Cashiers #1 & #2: “There you go. A little thank you from all of us!”

(My history teacher is away on jury duty, so we have a substitute teacher. I was born in South Africa.)

Classmate: “So what language did you speak in Africa?”

Me: “English and Afrikaans. I learned both of them when I was little.”

Sub: “Don’t listen to her! Afrikaans isn’t a real language. She is making it up.”

Me: “No, it’s real. It is one of the thirteen National Languages of South Africa.”

Sub: “You’re lying.”

Me: “If it isn’t real, then why is it on Google Translate?”

Sub: “Stop lying before I write you up for disrupting class!”

(Needless to say, when my history teacher came back, he was unimpressed by the sub’s education.)

This story is part of the South Africa Roundup!

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(I am teaching elementary students about food chains.)

Me: “What eats the bee?”

Class: “The frog!”

Me: “What eats the frog?”

Class: “The eagle!”

Me: “What eats the eagle?”

Student: “Four eagles!”

(In order to help the students improve their public speaking skills in English class, I am having them give 30-second impromptu speeches. One particular student seems very enthusiastic to go.)

Student #1: “Oh! Oh! Oh! Can I go first?”

Me: “Sure, go ahead and go up to the podium.”

(The student runs up there and begins giving his speech. As he is talking, he suddenly starts slowly taking off his pants. The whole class starts shifting uncomfortably and giggling. Before I can stop him, the pants are off and he is standing up there in gym shorts. He ends his speech and sits back down as if everything that just happened was normal.)

Me: “Um… any other volunteers?”

(I am in class, when my teacher tells us about a couple of students that she had seen earlier. She is quite angry and bothered.)

Teacher: “There were these students!”

Me: “What were they doing?”

(The teacher starts to make kissing noises and lovey-dovey sounds to represent what the students were doing.)

Teacher: “They were in the middle of the class, and you know what they were doing?”

Me: “What, miss?”

Teacher: “They were kissing and cuddling and SHARING a LOLLIPOP! And the girl was grabbing the guy and kissing him and just licking the lollipop and giving it to him!”